untitled...

it washes over me....
i can barely breathe as i drown.... unable to come up for air...
it stares at me silently, not uttering a word... just burns its glare into my flesh...
when i ask it what it wants, it remains silent... staring...
i scream at it... yet it remains blank... i turn to run, but i'm stuck...
it has me in it's armless grip... it's miles away, yet holds me down... keeps me in limbo... torturing me...i am a mouse to it's sadistic cat...and it gives me no answers... provides me no truths... i have no peace... and i am tired...
my bleeding roots leave their hollow marks all around me... and so i am forever marked... tainted...

i've been tagged....

four jobs i've had:
1. video store clerk
2. hr manager
3. all night study monitor
4. exotic lady of the night

four movies i can watch over and over again:
1. sleeping with the enemy
2. se7en
3. heavenly creatures
4. and all the rest of them...

four places i've lived:
1.jewland
2. greece
3. germany
4. canada

four shows i love:
1. GILMORE GIRLS!!!!!
2. friends
3. dead like me
4. ER

four places i've vacationed:
1. france
2. uk
3. the netherlands
4. scandenavia

four of my favorite dishes:
1. pizza
2. chicken
3. burgers
4. pasta

four sites i visit often:
1. blogs
2. gilmore forums (b/c ya.. i'm a loser... and those ppl make me look sane w/ my gilmore love)
3. lauren graham vids (b/c i have a crazy girl crush on her)
4. yahoo.ca

four places i'd rather be at:
1. nowhere
2. nowhere
3. nowhere
4. paris france

and i'm not taggin anyone right now...

random quote: i am insane and you are my insanity

best story EVER...(the adventures of marc and tim)

this is a true story....
marc and tim decided to chill out for a while in the cottege up in the woods.... being bored at night, they opted for booze, weed and shrooms...after a while, being restless, they go for a brisk walk...in the woods...
after a while, marc hears the pitter patter of little feet... but ignores it... a while later, tim hears it too..."dude! did you hear that?!"
"ya! what the hell is it?!" they both start running and hear the pitter patter quicken... when they stop, it stops.
"man! there's a gnome chasing us!"
"ya... a gnome! let's run!"
and run they did.... till tim said, "dude, let's chase it!"
they ran a circle, got behind the gnome and started chasing it! they finally caught it, and threw it in the closet.... being as exhausted as they were... they crashed...
the next morning tim said, "hey man, remember that gnome we caught?"
"yes, i do.. let's check on it" replied marc.
they opened the closet door to discover....
a little girl!
she had been missing in the woods for four days! and was following them looking for food!
there was a 50,000 dollar reward, and they were hailed as heroes!

is that not the funniest story you've ever heard!? and it's true!!! all of it!
so see kids, the moral of this story is that drugs definately pays!

relevent quote: what did you say?! oh, nothing, i'm on drugs....

the homeless gallery

so my beloved mac... is being funked up... and not in a good way...
they're giving the art/art hist. dept. the ax... and then like.. meshing cultural stud./theatre film/english and i think one more into one big department... i'm not happy....there were a couple of protests on thursday...(i was up at the crack of dawn to see problem child, ashleigh's play for the director's series) so on my way home i noticed the student centre lined w/ kids holding art works... and who else should be there... but dr. mcqueen! so they're the studio art kids who were holding their art works and calling themselves the homeless gallery... proffi then said that it can be seen as offensive to the homeless.. and i said, unless you spin it around and say: if we don't have a proper space for our creative outlets and our art, then we become spiritually homeless...(and later thought to add that art is the extension of the artist, hence adding to the spiritual homelessness...) mcqueen had to leave for class and i took over... holding katie's work... it was pretty neat...(it was a giant watermelon)
i later signed some petitions... and read some pamphletes and educated myself... and went on w/ my day....
today we had our next to last show... after which i went out w/ bridget and amanda... bridget had been drinking all day... and we did some kareoke...spilled some drinks...ate some greasy fries... good times... and now the boy's coming over... we're going to make a brocolli/chicken pasta dish.. hazza..
on a final note, uncle popcorn emailed me! hazza! we're friends again... (disagreeing friends, but friends nontheless!) i am finally at peace...b/c i hate fighting w/ friends...it bugs me... so popcorn, if you're reading this... yay for us being friends again!
ok... i'm off... (ps. i converted another one to gg!!!)
random quote: you think i don't feel anything b/c i'm stupid? well fuck you! b/c i feel smthing, i feel everything and i can't watch you die!

i'm going slightly mad...

just when i think it can't get funkier.. it does... blah...
again... me socializing/leaving the house.. never ends up good... (except today, i got 20 bottles of pop.. shoutout to sada and the boy)
anyhoo.... there's this rockin' california (?) based artist, mark ryden... w/ wickedly twisted art... i highly suggest you scope him out...
www.markryden.com
in other news... after this weekend i'm free! hazza....
and on a final note.. the director's series are going on at mac... free theatre...at robinson... so come out and support the arts!
p.s i prostested today :D but more on that later...

the nazi door frame....

this further proves that me leaving the house... is NEVER a good thing....
it all started when i said, sure monica, i'll help w/ the painting... :S
sidenote, i checked how much money i had in my account... and it was...(drum roll please....) 6.66!!!! haa haa! the jew is the anti christ! hazza!
so anyway... christine, monica, dan and i were all working on the set at the theatre last night... dan and i (the only jews) were priming the door frame and were going to paint it lime green... when all of the sudden... we're both lying under the frame! it attacked us! from out of nowhere! it just lunged at us! dan escaped narrowly by sitting still and the door frame engulfing him.. i, however, wasn't so lucky... it fell on me.. right on me! and left it's ugly mark across my body and arm....i later got some lime green paint on my other arm...and my legs were covered in white/lime green paint... blarg... luckily, no one was harmed...(psychological trauma doesn't count...both dan and i are very distraught...we're gonna seek treatment soon....)
anyhoo... i later went over to julie's and hung out w/ her while she sewed, and then i biked home... in subzero temps.... brrrrrrrrr....
today.. i went to the bank, and had a LOVELY time (wink acie!) and then went to see uncle popcorn... and we had a HUGE fight.. and i stormed out of the lion's media centre like a 2 yr. old... and went home... :S (i later sent him an email apologizing...so we'll see... and well, the way i see it... it's our first fight.. one day after we've made up we'll laugh at this incident and clap our hands like giddy little girls)....
tonight the boy's coming over for GILMORE GIRLS hazza!
thursday i'm going to buy my monthly supply of diet coke...(30 bottles) and then i'll try to hibernate for as long as i can...
and i think that sums me up for this week...(or at least the first couple days....)
signing off...
random quote: sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hang on to...

what about the age of computer hermitism?!

so... it's been a crazy few weeks... of me being out of the house EVERY FRIGGIN' day!!! like several times a day... i hate it... the outside world is evil.. it's wrong... it's out to get me! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
tomorrow, i have to leave, yet again...i swear, after the play's over.. i'm hibernating for a month! only leaving for movies... sigh...(ps. sada.. would you drive me to get pop?)
in other frustrating news... i've discovered that dr. lecter is infected... :(
it's been scanning for over 2 hrs, and i have over 1500 infected objects.... (i weep for my comp...)
my good friend wendy is helping me out.. so i have this anti virus thing.. and hopefully it'll help.. AND kevin's coming over i hope.. to look at my hard drive.. (dirty!)
so send out positive energy friends.. i need it... :(
sigh...
hope all is well w/ you....

random convo quote: do you know how much pressure i felt over this last week?! i felt like a giant man and his brother were sitting on my chest! a giant man? and his giant brother! did they have names? clem and clem, same name, which does not reflect well on the imagination of their mothers. mother. mothers, there were two clems. right b/c they were brothers. ya, so they had mothers! now you're drawing me into your drunken world. not a bad place to be my friend. mmmm tank's empty!

i think i'm inlove again....

sigh... oh.. to be inlove.. lalalalalalala... oh...to be inlove... lalalalalalala....
yup.. i think i'm inlove again.... w/ a certain prof... sigh... the schmoopsie love is back... wow.. that name takes me back.... (hang on, i have to pee...) k.. where was i? oh yes... the prof love... i saw her yesterday... we had a nice chat... but she was busy.. and then today... well, i'll start from the beginning...
i went to mac to help paint stuff for monica's play... we had to paint all this stuff white... so we did that.. and then we were gonna hang out while she did her cue list... whatever.. so THEN... we're eating... and who should walk by... but ANDREW... oh sweet andrew...so he tells me that he's taking a class w/ my proffi.... so i promptly bailed on monica...(SOOO SORRY mon... you know i love you.... and i don't usually do this... please, PLEASE don't be mad at me... i'll make it up to you... i promise..)
so i went w/ him.. and then chatted again w/ proffi.. .and sigh.. she's great... and she's totally chillaxed... and LOVED having me there.. and even suggested that i stalk her... HA! all these years... that i've been not stalking.. but following her... all paid off... so there!
k... i'm off.. the boy's here and we need food... and GILMORE night....
hazza!
random quote: equal rights for who!? for people... oh....

i should remove the word hermit.. i'm in pain...

ugh... so... LONG week.... sheesh..
saturday, i had a slight quarrel w/ my stage manager.. but it was quickly resolved.. and i hit my head on the table... :(
but it was all good...
monday i went out w/ the boy... we hung out... had a fabulous dinner at swiss chalet, and was served by a hot waitress...and then went to spend money i don't have.. :S i got speed and the 10th anneversary of edward scissorhands... (all for the low low price of 8bucks! b/c it was 2 for 15, but i still had mama callahan's gc.. so hazza!) then i got home late.. and was manipulated into going out AGAIN! that's twice in one friggin' day! so i'm at the bus stop and these morons are being all idiotic and loud and vandiliziching (yes, that's a word!) and one of them comes up to me and is like, ya.. those guys are making me nervous (bullshit buddy! you're w/ them!) whatever, so he makes small talk w/ me... and tells me he lied, he's w/ them... and they're going out drinking to which i reply, right, b/c the night is young...(it was like 9:30)and he says that i should hang out w/ them... i say, no thanx...and as he goes off.. he yells, by the way, i'm a serial killer or rapist.. or anything...(in my head i'm thinking.. would you tell me if you were?!) so then i'm on the bus.. they're moronic some more, i think one of them just turned 19... and then my lover came on the bus.. butcherboy... who's just divine... and we chatted.. and a nice chat w/ the driver... lovely lady... and then i headed off into the night to meet up w/ monica and julie.. had a blast.. laughing our asses off.. and eating too many pickles...
today was the longest day... woke up early to see my prof... ran into some friends...
hung out w/ monica again..went to her class, and then came home for GG... i can't wait to own this season... i can't wait to see what's going to happen!
the boy's coming over on thursday, we're going to finish season 2 and hopefully start season 3!!!!
and finally.. to uncle popcorn.. i still haven't read the blog.. but email me/leave a comment that we're cool... :(
random quote: exit light, enter night, take my hand, off to never never land!

FINALLY!!!!!

IT'S HERE!
IT HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!!!
I CAN'T CONTAIN MYSELF!!!! I CAN'T WAIT TILL MAY! (yes, it's also my bday.. which by the by, i WILL be accepting movies.. i mean presents..the list will be sent.. and emails, and you can talk amongst yourselves about who will get me what...)
OK, ENOUGH W/ THIS LOLLYGAGGING.... (new favorite word)
THE SONY NW-A3000 IS FINALLY OUT!!!!!! HAZZA!
(to differentiate from the sony nw-a1000, this new one is 20 gb!!! and can hold more than 13,000 songs! i've calculated and at the least, i have 4,612 tunes to upload.... :D
i'm a happy little bunny, running swiftly through the forest)
i can't wait to have this beautiful jewel in my possession... snicker snicker...
in other unrelated news.. i saw inside deep throat.. WOW...
and the constant gardener and wedding crashers.... (meh to both.. sorry to all the wc enthusiasts...)
i'm contemplating buying war of the worlds and four bros... will go to blockbuster (cough) and see if they have any deals... i hate blockbuster... but they do have the lowest prices.... (holy! did i just endorse? endorce? blockbuster...??? jeepers!)
well.. i'm off to make a super delicious pb/j sandwich... and ummm ya know.. just keep chillin'....

random quote: DEATH IS MY BITCH LOVER!

insane....

well...this is again, that magical moment, when i'm coming down from a wicked high.. and i sit here, in front of dr. lecter, all quiet and pensive, and i think to myself: i like this. i revel in my madness. i will let my insanity continue. i will indulge in my obsession, and to hell w/ everyone who doesn't like it.

random quote: never ask questions, never ask questions, never ask questions...

untitled...

i have lost the battle....
IT won...

i must have been AMAZING in my previous life...

yawn... it's 2:40pm... i just recently woke up... after a LONG night of GILMORE GIRLS watching with julie... we watched like..10 episodes....STRAIGHT!
and then tonight... THE BOY IS COMING OVER TO CONTINUE SEASON TWO! i mean... could life get any better!? we might go to a movie tomorrow...
and did i mention... he finally has a phone?! i'm very stoked...
well, i have to shower and get ready, it's a double rehersal that started at 1pm and i said i'd be there at 4-ish...so i should start schelpping my ass... sigh... i can't wait for tonight!!!!
i'm so inlove w/ this show.... and lauren graham...
shoutouts to: special K (sniff) hope moving the "stuff" went smooth and cops left ya alone, to acie, who just rocks my world... i love ya!!!! (ps. she got wickedly awesome marks in her classes!) and julie, who braved through a night of GG (w/ very little sleep, and who then preceeded to make me laugh in her sleep drunken stupor...)

random quote: are you ok w/ it? i'm ok-ish... that's not ok. that's ok, with an ish!

when the insane strike back 2

"have you ever tried scream therapy?" only her eyes peaked at him. she was sitting on her bed, engulfed by her duvet.
"ummm, no. "
"there's sarcasm in your voice."
"why, yes dr. there is, how perceptive of you." she reached for her bottle. "look, doc, i know you think i'm crazy," she said, quotation marking the word crazy, "but i don't..." she struggled for words. "i don't need to scream, or to, i don't know, i don't do screaming. stop trying to push me to the egde!"
"is that what you think i'm doing?"
"yes. i feel that you want me to act out so you can justify to yourself that i'm insane... if i show the markings of a crazy person, then you win! and you get to gloat, and, fucking, be all high and mighty. and i won't. i'm not going to submit to this, test."
"it's not a test. i think you're holding in. i think you need a proper outlet to let all this, anger, and anxiety and fear out."
"i don't have these things! why won't you believe me?! i've been telling you for weeks that i'm not crazy, and i don't have any sort of complex, or anything wrong with me. i just have a funky lifestyle. i don't know why you won't accept it. i think you're the one with the problems. all you doctors, you have this skewed view of the world, where everyone has some crisis in their lives, or some mental defect, and basically we're all broken, and we need meds and therapy to mend our cracks. but it's not the case! i'm not broken!" in the course of her speech, her voice had risen and she had become upset. he just stared at her. his look was one of understanding, but he was patronizing her at the same time.

holy 80s!

when i was a kid... (a VERY young kid) i thought i knew everything there was to know about music... i was called the music queen by my friends... when i look back, i can't help but laugh...(like a rabbin hyena.. seriously... if i was drinking milk, it would shoot out of my nose (gross!) right about now)
i had the best psuedo boombox, and had a respectable collection of tapes and a variety of songs...(like.. 40 tapes... haa haa)
i was the queen of music b/c i had all the debbie gibson tapes... and i listened to europe... and roxette... (oh, how naive...)
but now, that i've grown (but not matured... ) and i know a thing or two about music...(but not really... however, considering that i once thought that kate bush was copying tori amos.. i think it's safe to say that i know a bit more than i used to).. anyways, i digress...
so nowadays, i find myself yearning for some good cheezy 80's music... cindy lauper, the cure, duran duran, rick astley, and even debbie gibson... man... i was such a HUGE fan of hers...(as i type this, i'm sitting listening to my walkman, to her debut LP, out of the blue... and i plan on listening to the other 2 i have, electric youth and anything is possible) i just saw these cds for sale on ebay for like... a cent... or a couple of bucks... i want them... i asked special k to order them for me... we'll see what she says...
there's also a rare movie that i want.. on vhs from 1979... i was the last to borrow it from my local video store.. and then it vanished.. i was sad.. :( i've searched the net and other video stores... but no one has it.. ebay is selling it for under 15 bucks... is it worth it? i mean.. it's SUPER RARE... mmmmm quandry.... quandry indeed...
well, back to debbie... the teen mall queen... i love her... and there was a period where i disowned her, b/c i was too cool to listen to her.. but ya know.. she's ok... she wrote her own songs, sang them live, produced her own stuff, played her own instruments (guitar, piano and i think drums) and all the tender age of 19... (she was the youngest to produce and perform a number one hit...) so i have a bit of respect for her... (she later went on to be a smashing success on broadway, singing in grease, les mis, and a bunch of others...)
so, advice anyone? about ebay? should i ask special K to order the cheap debbies and the rare movie?! should i buy some nostalgic piece of my childhood? (happiness for a cent... life's good :D AND affordable!)

and lastly, (just to tie in w/ the pic above) there's a wonder woman movie coming out... she ROCKS! AND there has been talk that my gal's up for the role.. there's actually a petition out there for her to be in it.. i haven't signed it... should i? i dunno, i don't believe in pressuring the director into casting just b/c smone is popular... (that doesn't mean that i don't think she can do it.. i think she can do anything... but well, nevermind.. this post is too long as it is... i'll discuss this later...)
random quote: i'm out of order?! you're out of order! this whole courtroom's out of order!

correction...

it was brought to my attention that the link does not work... bummer dude... :S
here it is again, and hopefully it'll work this time...

http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv

good night, and good luck...

ps. just saw the village... and am going to bed now...(it's 6:16am... definately bed time... AND mama's family is on soon :D hazza!)

i never did mind about the little things....

ya... not really.. b/c it's the little things that drive me insane!
i've just sorta switched to a new broweser... (by recommendation of a ms. milmine) and it's missing a bunch of little things that internet ex. had... like a hotbar.. mine was cloudy skies.. i miss my cloudy skies... also, the favorites are called bookmards.. i hate that.. and the dimensions are a bit different... :S however.. it does work better... cutting on the popups...(not one in site so far) and the cursor doesn't jump around like a crazy whore looking in her pimp's apartment for her crack cocaine..
mmmmm yup.. that's what's on my mind...
in other news i've acquired red eye...(not a hard copy, but one is forth coming)
and i'm TRE excited about getting a sony nwa (w/ a larger memory) in and around may... (for my bday :D hazza)
sigh... tomorrow.. i leave the house... it's a sad day... however, it might entail food consumption...
minor rant: i just read that sherilynn fenn (from boxing helena, among other flicks, a totally awesome and groovetastic chick) is going to be on GILMORE GIRLS... as ana nardini (april's mom, luke's daughter). HOWEVER, she was already on the show in season 3 playing jess's father's girlfriend (who had a daughter) (and no, this isn't the same person, her character was named sasha) but, i'm pleased that she's coming back.. (they do that smtimes.. the waiter in double date later comes back in season 3 as sookie's old friend) (friends did that too, the guy who plays pheobe's bro, giovanni ribisi, was also the guy who threw his condom into her guitar case)
and that's it for my rant and display of useless information...
stay safe kids...
ps. shoutout to special K (sniff)
random quote: why do you talk so dirty maggie? why do you talk so faggy bob?!

crazy is majority rules!

i just took the BEST test EVER!
i've always said that there's a disorder out there w/ my name written all over it.. well, today i found out what that is...(drum roll please...)
i have:
histrionic disorder AND schizotypal disorder! HAZZA....
well, i feel good :D
what's your disorder?!
http://web.icq/friendship/swf/o,,16961_rs,00.swf_

food for thought...

Where is she? Dana! Put down the gun! I’m here to help you Scully… I told you mom, he’s here to kill me… I’m on your side, you know that! Put it down Dana. Scully, listen to me very carefully, you don’t know it, but you’re sick, with the same thing that drove those other people to murder, now whatever you think may be happening… Just step back! Dana, you’re not yourself, he’s telling you the truth. It’s not the truth, mom, he’s lied to me from the beginning, he never trusted me… Scully, you are the only one I trust… You’re in on it! You’re one of them! One of the people who abducted me! You put that thing in my neck! You killed my sister! That’s not true Dana... It is! I want you to listen to me… Mom! Just get out of the way! You trust me don’t you? You know that I would never hurt you, that I would never let anyone hurt you, that’s why you came here, isn’t it? You’re safe here. Put the gun down, Dana. Some of these, Claudia, are so old, tattered. You should throw them away. I will then! Claudia, Claudia! What have you done?! What you told me to! Leave a corpse here to rot!? I wanted her, I wanted to be her! She’s mad! Claudia?! Pollutes the very house we live in! Do you want me to be a doll forever!? Claudia, don’t. Why not? Can’t I change? Live everybody else? Which one of you did it? Which one of you did it? Which one of you made me the way I am?! The way you are? A vampire gone insane, and pollutes its own bed!? And if I cut my hair again? It will grow back again. But it wasn’t always so, I had a mother once, and Louie, he had a wife, he was mortal, same as she, and so was I! Claudia! You made us what we are didn’t you!? Stop her Louie! Did you do it to me!? How did you do it? Why should I tell you? It’s in my power. Why yours alone? Tell me how it was done! Be glad I made you what you are. You’d be dead now if I hadn’t. Just like that damned corpse. Now get rid of it! You get rid of it!

happy new year!

So… new years… wow.. insane… Monica and I arrived at julie’s at around five-ish… ready to work for our supper… so we cleaned a bit.. (vacuumed/cleaned table, moved furniture around) set the table and stuff… nothing too exciting… then steve and sophie and brian came by… and then the real fun started… well.. not really… but “fun” was sure about to ensue… So we had dinner (chicken breast stuffed w/ cheese, scalloped potatoes, beats in orange sauce and lots of desert). Blah blah blah… let’s finally get to the “MEAT” of the night… here are the highlights, Indigo was molested by 2 gals and a boy..(monica sat on me, Julie on one side, satan boy on the other) and they were all kissing me….(at midnight, monica/Julie kissed me on the mouth! And satan boy was determined to French me by the end of the night.. he failed! I outlived him.. he’s dead now)…. Another event… 3 couples making out under covers… and me just staring… so I was grossed out, (yes I’m 12…) and went to the kitchen to read simpsons trivia cards… The of course, the piece de resistance…(or whatever) was me burning my hair… yes, that’s right.. big fat me, wanted some desert and I reached over and my hair caught fire… nothing major.. though…. But exciting nonetheless… At around 4 am-ish, we started a family guy marathon… and then I left to go home…only to wake up several hours later, to go to rehearsal… (to sit and do NOTHING… ) sigh… Well, tonight, though, brings exciting events.. the boy’s coming over to continue out GILMORE GIRLS marathon! Hazza! Random quote: …what’s wrong w/ the tomato? It was fraternizing with the enemy…