musings of a borken hermit....

there's really nothing i hate more than reflecting on my self... thinking about deep and intense stuff... acknowledging things...etc. etc....
these days i have too much time and there's no escape....

i had a chat with dorothy the other day
her uplifting depression comforted me...
she drank herself into a stupor and i was jealous of escapism...
dylan was uselss too w/ his musings on death and pride...
where were c.s and alice? they were always good for distraction...
they were probably seduced by that damn rabbit...

i'm stuck in never never land...
never grow up
never get a job
never drive a car...
captain hook pretends to be my eternal lover
but at dinner he slips me something and i stumble...
tink keeps biting me and blinding me with her spark and i hate her
peter pan abandoned me and won't reveal the secret...
where is my pot of gold? where is the markee with my name on it?

the silver screen is tainted with my blood
my tears have created an ocean
my being is a new continant
i stare at the bleak road ahead and i can't breathe!
my vision is gone... everything is gone...
the limited box sparks some hope but that's not enough to keep me afloat...

when life takes an unexpected turn...

so there i was.. on my way to see my pretend boyfriend.. .and then off to buy lots of unhealthy food to eat my troubles away...
sadly the bf was not around.. :( BUT.... they had this MASSIVE sale at the store...
so i spent my measly dollars and ended up w/ 3 brand spanking new dvds! (to add to the two i bought on the wknd: dark city and the neverending story)
i got flight of the navigator, the last supper and solaris (remake) they're holding a double pack of addams family/addams family values for me..(and i think i'll also get short circuit if it's still there next week) :D that sure did put a smile on my face and warm fuzzy feeling in my pants! :D

in other news... could lauren graham be any hotter? the chick is totally SMOKIN' this time around... seriously... i saw her on craig ferguson and ellen.. and holy... she's working it... those tight jeans and the boots... (and usually i hate that look.. i think is gross.. and somewhat whore-ish) but man... she rocked it.. i like those boots... and she's got these great legs... sigh.. can't wait for the season premier tonight... though i hear it's disappointing.. who cares.. hot lauren's back!
whoohoo...
life's worth living again....(for now...)
random quote: i feel stupid and congtagious...

ode to a friend....

today i did smthing i've done maybe twice in my entire lifetime...

to my friend... i want to say thank you from the bottom of my heart... i never realize how much i miss you till i see you...
your friendship means a lot to me... and it's a shame we don't meet more often...

i hope that one day i can return the favour...
yours truly and eternally grateful..

random things...

last night was a pretty awesome opening night... i must say...
ER and CSI both had pretty intense season premiers...
my hat's off to both maura tierny and marg helgenberger... whoa... seriously amazing performances... (ding ding ding ding, i hear emmy calling...)

lauren graham, is seriously one of the hottest chicks around... after looking like a sad bag of OLD in season 6 she seems to be making a comeback of superglam! (i think the new showrunners are doing wonders for her...season premier next tues! i can't wait!)and also, she deserves an emmy... like... really... say what you will about gilmore girls... to quote jason, she's one of the most talented actors on tv these days... (true recent material has been a big leaking bag of rotten douche.. but she's incredible w/ her acting chops... i'm saying this all crazy psycho fanaticism aside)

i hate idiots.... i hate oblivion... and hate doing things b/c i feel obligated to...
shopping at 2 am is supa dupa funky cool.... i love it...
and ummmm what else? i still hate my life... (the bright light of the alias box set serves as a small ray of hope...)

random quote: i wish i was stonger, i wish was smarter...

the now...????

the abyss i stare at...what stares back is my life...
clouded emptyness...
surrounded by trite baby eyes...
trails of death that follow...
the reflection in the mirror tells the truth...
where is my red windmill? my muse is a corpse dancing...
its macabre face never to smile again...
the gutter serves as my haven, and it's stench surrounds me...
there is no escape from the past, present and future....
i am hopeless...
(the places i go to are never there...)

don't have no god to, teach me no lesson...

i never thought this is what my life would look like at 25.
i thought i'd be glam...
a diva...
tall...
living the life...
instead...all there is... is nothing.... just blackness... a vaccant space where my future should be....
i hate my life...

relevent quote: i wish i could show you all of the things i was on the inside...

praise the lord and pass the ammunition....

first off.. let me start by saying that i'm sooooo terribly heartbroken....
and i know it's silly... but i can't help how i feel...
here's the story....(and i'll try to focus on the good)
tonight i was at the world premier of Dixie Chicks: Shut Up and Sing.
i called for tickets weeks ago...and they were sold out.. so i went to see if i could get rush tickets... i ended up getting the last two gen. admission tickets! hazza!!!
this was a gala event, so that meant that they chicks were going to attend, and there were rumours that there was going to be a q/a after....hazza again!
i'm glad to say that once i got the tickets, i was 3rd in line! whoohooo! but quickly we were moved and we ended up 20th or so... still not bad... (we=me and jugss, more on that later)
so we stood in the rain for what seemed like forEVER...when this nice lady came and upgraded our tickets! again.. WHOOHOO!
we finally went in... got seriously good seats and were stoked!
some highlights while waiting....
jugss, look that guy is littering...
well, that's b/c that's a prime symptom of gonorrhoea....
so we're sitting and ragging on everyone we see...(the douches at blakes who got even better seats... but we liked them b/c they sponsored the event...)
finally... up above... there they were! THE DIXIE CHICKS!!! they were there... above us... breathing the same air! natalie seemed blah... martie was a bit aloof, and emily was in good spirits and waved at us...
then the movie started and it was pretty cool! i didn't really learn anything new, but if i loved them before... i love them even more now! natalie is like my new hero! (just below jugss) she's so funny and such a shit disturber...
then the movie ended...and that was it... they left... we tried catching them on their way out... but they were very un...fan...ish...(though 2 girls a row behind us met them and had their autographs and said they were lovely and uberfriendly!)
i was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO disappointed that i didn't meet them... and again, i know it's silly... but i just REALLY wanted to meet them.... tell them they rock my world... blah blah blah... i had a million questions to ask... good questions... not superficial cliches...
i'm bummed....
on the plus side.. i got to hang out w/ jugss. who indulged me... and is just one of the most amazing ppl EVER... my solid rock who's probably one of the most supportive friends i've ever had... (in every way....) jugss.. you're just amazing! i heart you!
they're coming back to the t.dot again i think next month... i may go and see about stalking them... i HAVE to meet them... it's my mission...(becca.. you in?!)
in other news... 6 more days till gilmore.. i find little comfort in that...
that's pretty much if forks...
catch ya'll on the flip side
relevent quote: i pretend to be sleeping when you come in in the morning to whisper goodbye, go to work in the rain... i don't know why, don't know why...

OH MY GOD!
IT'S NINE TWENTY AM!!!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

random madness

i was walking through the snail cemetary
their bodies harvested for stardust...

sometimes i sit on the bus and look at old ladies and wonder if they're older versions of me from the future sent to see where exactly i messed up my life...

sometimes i have thoughts so crazy that i wonder how come no one else thinks these things too... how is this only my reality?

relevent quote: stay sane inside insanity, but he locked the door and threw away the key...

more adventures...on the way to work...

it's FINALLY starting to get cooler... winter is just around the corner.. holy cow i'm excited!
so today i'm sitting on the bench, chilling to some tunes... when this woman and a cute dog walk up to me.. smiling... (i'm immidiatly get suspicious)...
we chat for a milisecond when all of the sudden i find myself in the middle of a conversation about our lord jesus christ and his power to save me...
"i'm jewish" i say, thinking this little gem of a sentence will save me as it has countless times before..
"me too!" she replies.. (bullshit, i think) she's a pastor.. or a minister..or smthing.. i wasn't paying attention...
so on and on she goes about how she found christ in her life and the lives of her children...(when her son accepted christ a bible appeared in their house out of no where) and when she accepted christ, he came to her in a dream and wrote her a msg with fire coming out of his fingers...
THEN... she tells me how god filled her mouth w/ gold, and preceeds to open her mouth wide... and shows me her fillings... (and how they're gold...) (i'm not sure they were gold.. but i nodded nontheless..)
then she tries to convince me to check out cts and how christ is cool and blah blah blah...
then there was a bit where she was all excited about my name...
luckily my bus came before i was in too deep... we parted as she told me she'd pray for me... ok...thanx... and off i went...
short disclaimer: i have no problem w/ ppl who believe.. by all means.. it's a free world... but as most of you know... i'm jewish... and an atheist jew at that... i don't believe in religion... i'm not a very spiritual... and i have no need for that stuff in my life... give me $ over a miracle any day of the week...
and in other news...today was a good day... i was by myself for a while and did ok...
life is busy...which i hate... i've seen day more times than i care to count... and i miss my careless nights..(shamed to say... bed time is around 2 am...) (however, sleep still evades me... so it balances out... )
it's now 6:18pm and i'm happy to report it's bedtime...
g'nite ya'll

relevent quote: sentimental is stupid, it's better to make money....