Tuesday, March 27, 2007

makes me think...

as many of you know, i'll defend my movies to the end.
i also support violence in film... w/ a passion.
the thing is, i like violence when it helps the narrative progress. with the exception of horror movies, i abhor gratuitous violence.
i recently watched the hills have eyes 2 and got into a debate w/ some co-workers.
one asked me why i watched it and what a piece of crap that movie was (which is true.. it was awful... funny, even, but more on that later).
he asked me if seeing a woman get raped by a mutant made me happy... as someone who researches the representation of sexual violence on screen, and is in training w/ the sexual assault centre, i can't say that it bothers me on the same level that it bothers other spectators.
however, my response was this: it's a movie. that actress isn't REALLY being violated, those men aren't REALLY dying, having their limbs chopped off. those mutants don't really exist. film provides a safe space for us to indulge in voyerism, in these violent fantasies. we know it's fake so we delve into this world and laugh, or cry, or cringe, or whatever... but ultimately, the lights turn on and the credits role and we go back to our lives.
i'm a firm believer that film's power lies in it's visual abilities. show me, don't tell me. i want to see what you're talking about. if i wanted to see dialogue, i'd go see a play (which i do :D)
but what we're talking about it is a medium that was borne out of a neccessity to watch what we couldn't on radio. we need the visual stimulation. has a lot of it gone too far? yes. is media to blame for our desensatization to violence and sex? yes. but movies are not alone. i blame tabloids who actually profit on real people's misfortunes. shows and magazines who publish awful truths about the current stars. they view them as less than human, and less deserving than the rest of us to privacy and manipulate them, and ultimately, drive them mad (re: brit spears).
i grew up in the 80's watching all the nightmares on elm st. the friday the 13th, all the schwartzinegger movies. pretty violent stuff by anyone's standards, and i turned out ok (well, that's debateable) but my point is that i can distinguish b/w what's real and what isn't. b/c i watched those movies, i didn't cultivate some urge or need to go out and inflict pain. to go and search for aliens so that i can blow them up to smitherins! i have respect for life and for the ppl who populate my world. i could never harm a living thing. and when i see violence on the news and in the papers, i think to myself, that maybe if they had watched a violent movie here and there, they would have gotten rid of that need to destroy. violence in movies can act as some cathartic experience, purging hostility.
in conclusion, watch more fictional violence if you want to retain your sanity.
peace out homies
the hermit.
random quote: Do you like scary movies?
What's the point they're all the same, some stupid killer stalking some big-breasted girl who can't act who is always running up the stairs when she should be running out the front door, it's insulting.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

i'm in the mood....


when it's late... and i'm tired...
i like to light some incense... put on some jazz...or some pink floyd...
wear my checkard fedora and sit at my computer...in the dark...
i like to let the music take me over...
i think of what that sax means... the bass, the beat... it flows through me and i think about art and music, and people and meanings and things that are beautiful and things that are heavy with purpose, things that give shape to who i am, and what kind of world i want to live in, what kind of world exists in my head...
i like to think that i belong, that what i write will one day mean something...
that i could leave a mark... MY mark...
and i think about how disconnected i've become from that world... and that i want to curl up into a painting, mouth a performance piece, stare at a monitor of a collective... part of a mixed media compellation and nod with understanding....
talk about all the deep things that the work symbolizes...
i want to live at the moulin rouge... at the heartbreak hotel...
i want to be surrounded by art... music... indie film and experimental theatre...
i want to be the starving artist... to be astrid and ingrid magnussen...
random quote: three cheers for eve!

Monday, March 19, 2007

i got rocked...

sunday i got up super early... after going to bed super late... and i wasn't feeling well...but thoughts about my lovely counterpart made all that go away...
i missed my bus to the good city by 3 minutes... and i thought, this is a bad beginning to the day...
but i FINALLY made it to satan's dwelling, met up w/ counterpart and off we were... we ran across the city to where her mother/sister were and had lunch/breakfest...(i had pizza, she had a waffle)... and then off we were again... past the st. patrick's day parade, on the cold and mucky streets of the good city...
we went into the cannon theatre (a very pretty theatre...) and pushed our way through a sea of bodies... there were merchendise stands EVERYWHERE.. they were really pushing this stuff... but counterpart and I decided that we'll check it out later... we had to get our seats first...
so after an agonizingly long time of waiting for the washroom line to clear, we took our seats..(like.. row 7) and tried to remember to breathe...
and then it began... my insides were giggling... and it was AMAZING! loud.. and just groovy! but by the end... i was totally rocked... (and there was a guy in the front row... CLEARLY a queen fan that was sooo into it... it was so endearing... i'm in love w/ that guy...)
i thought the multimedia was useless...(more effective during act 2) the singers were fantastic...the dancers were great, the sets interesting, loved the lights, sound was a bit off... but the band was just terrific... and i was in love w/ the story line... totally related.. and now i wanna run off to the heartbreak hotel...
after the show, we hung around the lobby and waited to my friend, the guitarist... and tried to decide what to get.... (i ended up w/ a keychain and a sweatshirt...and now i'm living on the streets)
so then we me up w/ guitarboy and were going to cruise the mean streets of the city, but ended up at sister's apartment playing trivial pursuit 90's version on a poker table while listning to the beatles and george harrison...
after 10 pm, we made our way to the bus station and i stopped by guitarboy's apart... and nearly killed him w/ my envy...
hopped on the bus home... and walked FOREVER... b/c city buses don't run that late anymore...
10 minutes from home, at like.. 1am.. walking down very empty streets, a mysterious car pulls over next to me... i shat my pants... luckily, it was a VERY groovy theatre kid who i love.... so he gave me a ride home... we chatted and i was (as usual) blown away by his endless knowledge...
couldn't sleep unil after 2:30 am.. and got up at 8... :S
and now.. it's day... and i have to get ready... and face yet another mundane and useless day... in my sad and pathetic existance...

2 relevant quotes: aren't you an eager beaver... YOU LEAVE MY EAGER BEAVER OUT OF THIS!
that's my boobie... my bad, man...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

wednesday during march break...


this week... began w/ me being super tired... sleep evades me yet again... and "work" has been insane... during busy times i am constantly reminded how moronic people are... and how little attention they pay for things... and how much anger they have stored inside only to take out on the wrong ppl...(ie. ME)(but that's another post althogether...)
wednesday was no different... it was busy... and hectic... human bodies EVERYWHERE... it's loud... it's pushy, it's madness...
one of the managers was being unusually asshole-ish...
i was super pissed... it ruined my day...(luckily, training is my new favorite thing... and that smoothed things over a bit...)
today, (thursday) i went to the general manager and officially complained...b/c i won't stand for this... (uh oh, am i becoming a feminist?!)
now i play the waiting game...
tomorrow i'm working a double..
sat. working all day
sunday i meet up w/ my amazing counterpart/family and we're going to see wwry!!! and hopefully meet up w/ the cast/crew... awesome times :D
job application hell continues... and that's pretty much it on my end...
i see things i can't affored all the time... BLAH! (namely, the fly/the fly II 2 disc special edition...:S)
random quote: be afraid, be very afraid!

Monday, March 12, 2007

fragment

It was well after three am. Closer to four probably. Wally had my hand, and I didn’t know whose hand was clammy; mine or his. We were taking turns leading each other down dark alleyways where couples were having rough sex against dirty walls. Junkies performed sex acts for money or drugs, I glared in disgust. I would never sink so low… we went up a flight of stairs and the building smelled like a cheap motel; bad vibes hanging in the air like angry clouds. How did we get here? We sold our car close to a year ago, now. Seven months ago, we collected dead alley cats for a dark figure for $500. We didn’t ask what he did with them. All we cared about was the money. I heard screaming and moaning. Furniture crashing and someone’s being murdered. Or having mind blowing sex. I counted five light bulbs on the ceiling, only one lit the hallway, casting ugly shadows. Shapeless stains adorn the walls and floors, and I know for sure one pile in the middle of the patterned carpet is vomit. The corridor was endless and we’d been walking it for centuries. A tall thin man who looked like death’s older brother skulked by, mumbling incoherently, and for a brief sober moment I was scared. I squeezed Wally’s hand.
This is the wrong floor, whispers to no one in particular, including me. Or the wrong building. He looked around, never letting go of my hand. I let my self be lead around, trailing aimlessly behind him. And we were outside again. I couldn’t feel the cold, even though I could see my breath. I was still riding the purple dragon, sailing across a sea of booze. My ship was made of cotton candy and gravy. Once on the street my breath melded with the fog that had covered the city, like a giant sheep, the streets were white with random blotches of gray and black. Alien shapes and noises, time and space moving in opposite directions. I lost track of Wally. I reached for him. Nothing. I then realized he was behind me. We started walking again, down darker alleyways where the silence was interrupted by eerie sounds that didn’t connect with my brain. I heard the sweaty grunts of a fat guy. We passed a couple fucking with such urgency, I thought they would break through the wall into another dimension. The girl couldn’t have been more than 15. Our eyes connected and she smiled – a drunken smile that told me she’d be sore tomorrow. I pictured her veins, open and flowing with life and death, with the cool feeling that made her glow in the night and proclaimed her queen of the world. Her tiara made of clandestine needles and diamonds. Wally pulled me away and advised me not to look at anyone and avoid eye contact, to keep my stare down and disappear. He didn’t realize that that’s how I felt. All the time. I wake up and I have to look in the mirror to make sure I’m still there. Sometimes it takes me over an hour to find my reflection. But every time I get high I find a missing piece; an ear, a nose. A fraction of a soul. Did that girl need to sleep with that man to find herself? Or did she drown looking for that next fix? Wally tugged at my arm again, and I tripped and fell into his abdomen. Be careful, he hissed at me. Was he scared? Angry? Suffering from a moment of clarity and purity, that time when the drugs almost drain from your system and you start to worry that if you don’t get another gig, reality will set in and it will shatter you. You’ll become immobilized and so scared that you can’t feel anything but pain. A pain so profound you can barely breathe, and your next move is to destroy everything in your path. Because through destruction of the exterior your insides can find peace. The rage is soothing and you find comfort in that anger. I hadn’t reached that part yet, and I was blissfully ignorant of my surroundings and the point of our mission, and I just followed Wally, trusting him completely. I was two sided and numb and someone was screaming in the distance. Something about being a whore and motherfucker and that this was bullshit. Then I heard gunshots and then silence. A dog barked in the distance. Why were we walking so much? I was suddenly aware of my body. My legs were bad milk – not quite liquid or yogurt. I liked my bra; it held me tight and secure like a bullet proof vest. My feet were wet. Why? Was it raining? I looked around and saw nothing but darkness and wisps of fog trailing our steps, trying to envelop us in a white cocoon of nothingness. If we were fast enough, we’d avoid it. Would we make it back to our apartment, or would the fog get us?

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

once upon a yesterday...

when i was younger, i could stay up for literally days... sleep for a couple of hours and do the whole thing over again....
now i'm old... haa haa.. not really... but i've come to realize lately, that being a repsonsible adult...SUCKS...
i refuse to grow up...(peter pan syndrome!) and i have friends who are there with me... flying off to never never land... it's awesome!
tomorrow (thursday) i'm going to a midnight screening of 300... i'm totally stoked! i got my tix in advance...(i've never done that before) i'm going to bring me some munchies... and what nots... and then get super comfy and chill... hazza!
saw zodiac last night... really good movie... very creepy and very funny... and just every entertaining... i dig it :D
and i also bought some new music :D
oasis what's the story morning glory
beck odeley
cher the gold collection (double disc)
i'm a happy camper :D
what else can i tell you? i'm SOOOOO tired... i can't wait till sunday, when i can just lie in bed...and not run around... sigh
oh sundays.... how i love thee... let me count the ways!
tootles for now friends!

Monday, March 05, 2007

4079

that's the magic number...
i'm DONE uploading... (that's a lie... i just downloaded a few more things....but they can wait) but for the most part... i'm done! it's been FOREVER...
so what's new? nothing... i'm TIRED...
getting another job for april... needing to do my taxes...(i'm a geek... i'm totally stoked) (i'm SURE to get money back... yay!)
ummm recent movie watchings:
the descent (amazinginly creepy.... was up a bit freaked out early this morning)
american gun (SOOOOOOOOOOOO boring....)
and in the middle of running w/ scissors (so far, amazing)
ghost rider was total shit
and i saw the number 23 twice... i'm inlove with that movie...(and the concept)
saw hair, as performed by MMT (mcmaster musical theatre) and it was pretty amazing...
saw another play... student numbers, which was interesting... a tad boring at times, but i got a chance to hook up w/ some old friends, socialize....intellectualize.... all that good stuff...
sunday did NOTHING but read, listen to music (upload) and watch tv... it was divine...
today, submiting application for job, and seeing Z later on... and then... hoping to sleep...
oh yeah, i got a new dvd rack... it's awesome... i love it...but now it doesn't look like i have as much dvds.. :(
ok... shower time...
xoxo
the hermit wannabe...
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