finally this day's at an end...

first off... thanx for all the well wishes...
sadly, they were in vain... this was probably the WORST bday of my life...
(even worse than last year, when i ended up at emerg...)
LONG story short... actually, i'm lying... short version is we are the epitome of the dysfunctional family...
in all it's glory....
everyone faught all day... and everyone bitched at everyone else... and we were late for dinner (by an hour) and everyone was in a super pissy mood... and i just wanted to sleep... and have a pizza... watch a movie... whatever...
but alas, tomorrow is another day...
and tonight, i'm going to watch human traffiking again... b/c as bad as today was... it can always be worse...
tomorrow we set sail to far and bizarre lands... and hopefully... better times are ahead...
farewell all friends!
xoxo
the sad hermit.

random quote: i believe you were expecting me!

today...

IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!
YIPPEE!!!
however, today i mourn the loss of my show...
yesterday was the SERIES finale of gilmore girls...
farewell lorelai gilmore...
how my dreams will be empty..
but i'm going to eat italian food tonight!
go me!
xoxo

aliens...

tomorrow they'll attack...
come under the guise of friendship and love and destroy my world.
they'll scrutinize and say they care,
they'll pick me apart and stare.
they'll criticize and mock
they'll laugh and take stock.
and then they'll say i'm sorry,
i didn't mean to make you cry,
and i'll say, whatever,
what doesn't kill me, makes me want to die.
and they'll shrug and sigh,
and i'll make a face and deny
and then we'll all pretend to be fine
and then they'll leave and i'll start to reclaim what's mine.

this is the reason....(or: a movie everyone should watch)

several months ago there was this tv movie that i caught sight of, and it played out like a script i'd read a couple months back...for a minute i was excited.. but then learned the two were not connected...
so i watched bits and pieces of this flick... and was bummed that i missed most of it...
it showed again a while later... but again... i was distracted and missed a lot of it...
nonetheless, i was intrigued.. the movie's called human traffiking, and deals w/... you guessed it, what's known as white slavery... or forced servitude...(a term i hate)
it interweaves the stories of 3 chicks and how they come to being sexual slaves in modern day usa...
it's a disturbing look at our world, it's provocative, informative, well acted (w/ a largely canadian cast/crew) and just wonderfully done, not at all sensationalizing this horrific crime.
i finally managed to get my hands on it and watched it top to bottom, and was just in awe...
such a compelling feature, that isn't afraid to tackle the subject head on...
my mission is to get everyone to watch this movie...
rest assured i'll be having multiple screenings at my place...
i urge you all to check it out...

random quote: you're crazy, you know that?

BEST SUMMER EVER!

so this summer i will be the production manager on a film being shot in toronto!
we start shooting early june and wrap late august!
i can't wait!!!!
this is going to be AMAZING!!!!
thanx for the vibes everyone sent... (jugss, i think we're magic!)
and ya... WHOOOHOOOO!!!!!
movieland, here i come!!!!

random quote: vanity is definately my favorite sin, think about it, kevin, self love the all natural opiate!

new movie...

but first... 4 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!
i bought fortress... such a good bad movie!!!!
christopher lambert rox my sox!
in other news... interview went well.. i think... i'm supposed to hear an answer tomorrow...
send good vibes ya'll!!!
till next time!

random quote: oh, oh, really? and what is it to steal an entire house?!

blah....

today was just a shitty day that got shittier the more it went on...
but then i had a nice middle of the day thing... for the volenteer work i hope to start in a couple of months... and it totally made me happy...
tonight, i'm off to watch 28 weeks later at a late screening...
and then it's bedtime...
tomorrow is a potentially busy day:
i have an interview to work on smthing interesting this summer..
and if i don't get called into work, i'm going to blow jojo's mind! (i can't wait... JOJO, I CAN'T WAIT!) however, w/ my luck.. i'll get called in... blah...
sat. i can't remember what i have going on, and then sunday it's matt damon day...
monday i work all day and then tuesday the 'rents come over... and life will be on hold for 3 weeks...
post that, it's job hunting again... and try to find some meaning to my useless existence...
and that's about it... i hope everyone out there is doing good...
xoxo
the madness

random quote: ...do you have an enterouge? i'm a paranoid schizophrenic, i am my own enterouge!

yippee!!!

6 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!!
(movies and madonna welcomed ;) )

random quote: farewell to old friends lets raise a glass to the bitter end...

part 3.

I lay there, under his grunts, moving out of sync with reality and nightmare. His fingers were in my hair, then all over my body, touching me in a way that made me want to die. He kept pushing harder, faster, deeper. His hot breath on my face, in my ear, down my throat. I could feel his heart beating against my chest, his weight crushed me, molded my shape into the mattress. He was reaching his max, sweat splashed on me, and finally, he came. Pouring himself into me like a disease. He collapsed on me, breathing me in, heavily, barely able to ingest oxygen. I pushed him off and wiped myself on the dirty bedspread. He pointed lazily to the dresser, in there, he said breathlessly. In the broken drawer was my reward, a small white package filled with redeeming powder. Without so much as a word, I took it, got dressed and got the fuck out of dodge.
I carved my name in the sky. Wrote my story in the stars and prayed for the great beyond to rescue me. I finally sunk low. I crossed the line in the sand, the truth I’d written in stone. The smell was burned into my flesh and my memory was a razor. I stumbled outside and breathed the cold night’s air in. I let it fill my lungs and course through my body, inside my veins and for a brief moment I felt pure and peaceful. I felt a warm summer’s sun and saw the clear blue sky. Everything was ok. I opened my eyes and was brought immediately back to my sickly present. With shaking hands I clutched the little bag and ran to my safety. Blissfully empty I crouched in the corner and got high.
Sometimes I want to curl up into a corner, into someone’s body and cry. I want to cry for hours, just so that I can feel something else. Something else other than this sickening emptiness that lies within me. If I wasn’t so afraid of blood I would cut myself, watch the blood flow out and maybe, just maybe feel something. Anything. Pain, release, hate, pressure. Anything. When I look at old discarded photos that float lifelessly around the apartment, I see the world’s saddest girl; me. And I can’t remember who took the pictures, or when, or why. They’re lost fractions of my memory, my long lost memory, like Swiss cheese full of holes and nothing. And it makes me so blue I could be the sky; it stretches forever and ever and wraps me up, sucks me dry and leaves me alone. I missed Wally.

recent movie purchases

dixie chicks shut up and sing
human traffiking (2disc ed.)
the last kiss
the net

needless to say, i'm tre excited!
also, i have in my possession, the bourne identity and supermacy...
sunday is official matt damon day :D
hazza!
xoxo
the movie fanatic

random quote: what a dumb fuck... you're a dumb fuck!

today:

today i climbed a tree...
and played tag...
and ran around like a maniac...

it was great... (though now, i'm running to shower... get this... nature smell off of me..)
and then i plan to return to my normal self... i'm going to write tonight... reflect... create... muse over things...listen to some interesting music...(most likely, american doll posse)
i'll revisit my old scribblings and attempt to rejuvinate myself.

random quote: i went to the doctor yesterday, non specific ovarian failure...

real men....

take your mind back I don’t know when
Sometime when it always seemed To be just us and them
Girls that wore pink And boys that wore blue
Boys that always grew up better men
Than me and you
What’s a man now, what’s a man mean
Is he rough or is he rugged Is he cultural and clean
Now it’s all change, it’s got to change more
We think it’s getting better But nobody’s really sure
And so it goes, go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are
See the nice boys, dancing in pairs
Golden earring, golden tan
Blow-wave in the hair
Sure they’re all straight, straight as a line
All the gays are macho
Can’t you see their leather shine
You don’t want to sound dumb, don’t want to offend
So don’t call me a faggot
Not unless you are a friend
Then if you’re tall, handsome, and strong
You can wear the uniform and i could play along
And so it goes, go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are
Time to get scared, time to change plan
Don’t know how to treat a lady
Don’t know how to be a man
Time to admit what you call defeat
‘cause there’s women running past you now
And you just drag your feet
Man makes a gun, man goes to war
Man can kill and man can drink
And man can take a whore
Kill all the blacks, kill all the reds
And if there’s war between the sexes
Then there’ll be no people left
And so it goes, go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are
And so it goes, go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are
And so it goes, go round again
But now and then we wonder who the real men are

also...

11 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!

it's ending...

my beloved show... the one i've been obsessing about for... a while....
the show that started it it all for me...
my girls... they've been cancelled...i knew this day would come... but i figured that they'd end... not get cancelled....
oh... this is so sad for me...(even though i haven't watched in several months...OH MY GOD! IS THIS MY FAULT??? SHOULD I HAVE BEEN WATCHING? WOULD IT HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE?!) here come sleepless nights of guilt infused dreams and accusatory screams in the depths of my non exsistant soul....
but yes, it's true... this month marks the final episode of gilmore girls... the last adventures of lorelai and rory...
the crazy shinanigans of emily and richard, sookie's self harm, jackson's weirdness, and kirk's get rich quick scams...
no more mr. backwards baseball hat, pattie's sexual innuendos, babett's screaching...
well, it was a good show once upon a yesterday... and i'll be sad...so very sad...
but alas, life should go on... and hopefully it will...
but for now.... farewell gilmore girls...
sniff... sob...
xoxo
copperboom
relevent quote convo: ugh, do you know how much pressure i felt, these last few weeks? like a giant man and his brother were sitting on my chest.
a giant man?
and his brother!
did they have names?
clem and clem. same names, which does not reflect well on the imaginations of their mothers.
mother.
mothers, there were 2 clems.
right, but they were brothers,
yes, so they had mothers!
now you're drawing me into your drunken world.
not a bad place to be my friend!

it continues....

13 MORE DAYS TILL MY BIRTHDAY!
WHOOHOOO!!!!
also, i have an interview next week for smthing that has the potential to be awesomelly amazing...
good time, ya'll... good times...
xoxo
the wondering hermit.

random quote: ...and he works at the university!

HAZZA!

so next week.. i have a pretty interesting interview... w/ interesting possibilities...
i'm tre stoked!
i need everyone to wish me positive vibes!!!
the rejuvinated hermit...

random quote: you're terminated fucker!

whoohooo!

14 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!

also, i need some positive vibes for smthing that could happen... more details to follow!

i love countdowns!!!!

15 MORE DAYS TO MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!