blah...yet again...

this week as always, just flew by...
this wknd was good... i worked a double on fri. and then worked sat. and bought yet another book... the tori amos autobiography, which i've been meaning to read for a while... then today (sun.) i had a shift at the centre and had a call... so that was enriching... to say the least... what a rush...
didn't see any movies.. i'm in the midst of an oz marathon... about to start season 4....
i did a lot of thinking and i had a profound post to write... but now i can't think of it...
i'm hoping to finish one of the books i'm reading called love hotels and lonely girls and then start the electric Michaelangelo and the tori autobio....and then venture on into other worlds...
next week is busy... as usual.. and i need to find time to watch 30 days of night and saws iv w/ my boytoy.... hmmmmm tues. is a possibility...
other than that, 18 more days till gilmore and 11 more days till tattoo time!
needless to say, i'm totally stoked and jazzed :D :D this tat is gonna be amazing!
oh, i just remembered what i wanted to post about... the weather... on tues. i saw the most beautiful sunset... and i thought to myself that sunsets look better in winter... everything is better during the cold... the air smells better... esp. when it's combined w/ coffee and burning wood... i wish i had the words to convey how amazing winter makes me feel... those who suffer from SAD can understand, i think... it feels like i'm coming alive... that everything is ok with the world... that possibility is everywhere and that life is exciting again... i dunno... i just can't wait till winter comes!
xoxo
random quote: I wake up happy, feeling good... but then I get very depressed, because I'm living in reality.

the windy apple!

yesterday was yet another one of those lovely no sleep days.... :S
going to bed after 2 am and waking up at 6:30.... isn't as fun as it seems... :S
i woke up...made myself all pretty (and boy did i look good!) the only thing was that my hair wasn't bouncin' and behavin'... but it still looked good :D and off i was to the bus station...
by lucky coincidence, i met my friend jenny and we rode together :D then after a LONG bus ride and a short subway trip i was at my destination...
so i had my interview and i think it went fairly well.... i REALLY WANT THIS GIG!!!!
and hopefully i'll know by the end of the week...send vibes ya'll...
then i met up w/ monica and jugss and we at this amazing indian buffet and i ate too much and was all wonky the rest of the day...(b/c i had to rush back to the hammer and then to work!)
today i have a meeting, then i'm hooking up w/ julie and we're doing a double feature....(finally getting to watch michael clayton and we own the night) and i'm contemplating buying the saw box set...i'm sure once i get into futureshop the spirits will guide me.... lol
and the rest of the week is also busy and i need to send out more resumes...and go on more interviews.... and that's it for now....
peace out!
random quote: ransom notes keep falling out your mouth...

time to relax and read...

i just finished reading one of the saddest books i've ever read...
it's called the man in my basement and i don't think it was meant to be depressing, but it was...
it was melancholy... blue...i can't explain exactly what it is about this story, but it made me sad...
i'm half way done w/ my kate bush bio, and i've just started another book about loneliness in a foreign country...i'm hoping to be done w/ it by tomorrow night...
tomorrow is a long day, i have to be in toronto for 10 am and then i have to rush back to the hammer for work... but on tues. i get to sleep in, i have a meeting in the afternoon, and i'm contemplating a double feature at the movies...(michael clayton and we own the night) i need to catch up on my movies...
this wknd was amazing.. i rewatched dee snider's strangeland which was amazingly lame... i had initially thought that in the original viewing of it i'd missed smthing.. but no, 10 yrs later it's still lame...
i'm rethinking buying the saw box set... but only b/c i'm kinda strapped for $$$... it all depends on how toronto goes...
anyways... back to reading :D
i miss being a bum....
random quote: it's go go, not cry cry...
random quote 2: there's a difference b/w being frank and being dick!

it's always something...

i have a serious problem....if it's not one addiction, it's another...
for the past few months, i've been avoiding chapters b/c i already have a list of books i've yet to read...i didn't need to add to that stack...well, this past week, i bought 4 movies and 5 books...
my reading pile now consists of 15 books that i need to read (out of those, i'm reading about 6 at once...)one of my new books is a kate bush biography i love reading about her views on her music, esp. when i listen to it while reading about her life...
recent movie viewing: gone baby gone...
definately one of the best i've seen recently...it's in a way a love letter to boston on ben affleck's part.... it was beautifully directed, very strong performances from the better affleck, michelle monaghan, ed harris, and a very unlikely and complicated performance from morgan freeman.
as bad as he is actor, ben affleck did an amazing job w/ this flick...it's griffty and rough and intense and just a really good movie! my only complaint was there was a bit of a shaky camera thing going on in some scenes and there needed to be more with the michelle monaghan character... but other than that, i'd pay to see this film...and i'm totally pushing for it...
so go see it! :D
ps. i went to an early screening and won a gift bag :D and the book... i can't wait to read it!
random quote: rose, don't hover, come in or get out!

exciting day!

today started ok, i guess... i was tired when i woke up... but what else is new?
then i headed downtown and booked my appointment to get inked again!!!!
it'll be in nov. and my artist is awesome! i can't wait!!!! now i need to buy a piece of leather to bite down on... b/c this is going to hurt like a motherfucker of a whore's bastard child! (ankle)
(ps. did you know that cindy lauper's "she bop" is about masturbation?!)
THEN i went to training and i facilitated a group all by myself!!! it was sooo awesome! these chicks are great! of course i missed a couple of things, but i got the main things across, and next week'll be easier :D i can't wait!
and now, it's nighttime and i'm sending out resumes... (12 so far) i wanna send at least another 10 ish and then it's movie time!!!(bought two more: gotch'a and a life less ordinary)
tomorrow i work and then watching michael clayton w/ my new boytoy!!!!
boyz are fun!
k, i'm going back to work!
random quote: avec de lou? a victor who?! with water?! please!
ps. my new idol is cherry darling!

life goes on...

i have a TON of stuff to do this week... and tonight i'm going to get to it!
also, i've added two new friends to my dvd collection:
grindhouse presents: planet terror
reefer madness
needless to say, i'm a happy camper :D
next week i'm buying the saw boxset...
tomorrow i'm doing a potential double (michael clayton and we own the night)
and then next week, there are too many movies i wanna see...(30 days of night, things we lost in the fire, gone baby gone, rendition, elizabeth) sigh...
well, i'm off for now... busy day today...
xoxo
moviefanatic
random quote: i'm going to be a stand up comedian!
ps. 27 more days till gilmore!!!!!!

more of the story...

Evil forces were conspiring against me; that’s what it felt like most of the time. Where ever I’d turn there was something. There was a deep hunger at the pit of my being, like a giant monster greedy and ready to feed on my failures and desperation. It wouldn’t let me sleep at night. The howling of the sad and the tears of the insane were like a broken song in my head. House rules dictated that I stay put and not leave the house for anything other than court appointed meetings and work. Wondering the small space of the house quickly grew weary and there was no solution to my ache. After six months of being clean and keeping up good appearances, I was granted off site privileges. I could leave the predetermined streets but had to be back by ten pm. An illusion of freedom; an invisible leash. I found loopholes in the curfew law and began to stay out later and later, wondering the quiet streets of this mediocre suburb. I would walk for hours, trying to outrun my demons. They haunted me. Followed me: relentless and cruel.

One morning I woke up to darkness. The day was predestined to deteriorate and shrink; I fought with a sad and disturbed woman in the house, a fight that resulted in a black eye and split lip. I missed my bus and was late for work, and by the day's end I was ready to kill. I wanted to find a small quiet place and get high. Knock myself out into oblivion. Obliterate this feeling of rotting decay. I was raw nerve endings, static electricity; on edge and ready to explode. I took a bus that went far east, away from the tidy houses and neat lifestyles on the west. I had to walk the few remaining blocks until the reached the edge. And I longed to smell the stale air and disease infested prostitutes of Hell’s Last Acre. The city’s landscape changed dramatically once we crossed that line and once I got closer to my old hunting ground. Rows of dead and dying trees, streets littered with debris and food, disheveled clothes and decomposing boxes. Stray animals like mosquitoes buzzing around, ravenous for blood.

Everything was different. I was suddenly numb, but something inside me was off. I heard music from deep within my head and the rhythm was enchanting. I stood still for a brief moment and then wondered further into the darkness that was my home. The streets were empty. There was no one there, only scattered garbage, reminiscent of the medley of junkies that populated the floor the night before. On the street everything was tainted green, sinister and sickly. Broken beams of stained rainbow. My breath was like a thick cloud of smoke; my soul escaping my body. The sky above me was vast. An endless darkness dusted with diamonds. The moon hung low and dazzling washing the world with its golden glow. I continued walking, not too sure on the destination or the direction. I couldn’t feel my legs but they carried me far. My blood flowed in my veins like warm oozing goo. I was overcome with feeling. My nose started running and my throat was burning; razor blades and pain. I started crying and my blurred vision didn’t deter me, I kept walking hoping to find something familiar, something comforting. I wanted to connect with another human being; this damn street was so empty. My memory flashed back to Wally. Where was he? Was he still alive? The dichotomy and complexity of human emotion. I had a fire of hatred that burned deep within me for what he put me through, but at the same time, I missed him and longed to be with him. I turned down a street, like a gaping mouth it stood before me; dark and wide, full of rotten teeth. Old decaying buildings; a ghost town. Bare and deserted. Where was everyone? Still catatonic I wondered what my downfall might look like. How it would come about. And here I was, armed with money and warm clothes, a history of sobriety and future, ready to piss it all away. Now that I had a bit of common sense would I be able to survive the exchange? Could I approach a dealer and make the transaction? Could I trust and be trusted? Fear started seeping into my blood stream and up into my brain. I turned around and headed back to the edge, out and away from Hell. The sun started to rise in different shades of yellow, pink and blue and it was magnificent, like a Monet painting coming to life before my eyes. Its beauty astonished me and I started to cry again. I was so lonely. The wind picked up and went through me like sand; every grain was like ice cutting my skin. I thought my fingers were going to fall off.

today i was a victim...

so i've started facilitating the new group of volenteers at the centre and today was my first day....
and during the 2nd half of the night, we watched a movie about lindsey and ray. they met and hit it off, one night he offered to walk her home from the library taking a detour by the playground. ray ended up raping lindsey.
we did a role play that took place one month from this incident, where lindsey called the centre.
i played lindsey... it was pretty intense for obvious reasons, but also b/c it was in front of 20 chicks i didn't know... but it was pretty cool too...
i'm going to start doing this on a regular basis... b/c i'm not confident enough to handle a group on my own...
i also had a productive meeting at mac, and i have home work for the next 2 weeks...
oj boy called and i'm contemplating calling him back...
and tomorrow i'm going to see resident evil: extinction for the 5th time....
and now, it's after 3 am.. i have to be up at 9....
later gators!
random quote: watch me start a fire in the middle of your shade...

tethered sheeps and sherry...

today was long...
didn't get to bed till 3/3:30 am... woke up at 9:30 and worked until 9pm...
dreading the long bus rideS home, i was saved by my angel w/ wheels, julie....
we planned to kidnap a couple of ppl and venture out on another one of our famous adventures....
but alas... we couldn't find ppl.... :S
so we decided to go to the falls to the casino (our old hunting ground) so after a quick pit stop at my place (to shower and change) i put on my groovy new clothes and off we were... but halfway there, we started to feel tired and decided on dessert... at demitri's!
i ordered WAY too much (banana milkshake and peanut butter/banana split...) then we drove back and stopped at princess miranda's house and socialized a bit and talked about sheep being tethered and allowed to eat certain grass, drinking sherry while taking an exam and the bullet that killed JFK (it was actually from a legal window at trinity and it flew from ireland...)
and now i'm home... it's 2 am.. i'm going to watch tv and then head off to bed and tomorrow is yet another day...
fairwell friends...
random quote: WHAT ABOUT ME?!
ps. jen garner is HOT!

thanksgiving... or as i call it: sunday...

today sucked monkey tits... big hairy monkey tits...
i didn't sleep well.... and then i was bored stupid... no one's around... nothing on tv...blah..
so ya... it was a lame day.. .it's almost 8pm... it might pick up yet... if my boytoy comes by...
other than that.. i find that eating healthy and not sleeping makes everything ok... b/c i'm not devistatingly tired....
lets see how long i can keep up w/ this business...
blah...
the bored hermit..
38 more days till gilmore!
ps. man, i've learned just how much i hate tomatoes...shudder... why are some gross things so good for you?!

this is just not my week...

it's b/c i'm jewish... seriously...
my thanksgiving plans just fell through too... ugh...
what's up w/ that?!
so tomorrow.. i'll be all by my lonesome... :S
BALLS!
well, i'm going out to get some foodidge...
and maybe some pumpkin pie or smthing... guh...
here's to next week being better...(clink)

the twists and turns...

so needless to say, the whole job thing blowing up in my face left me a bit bummed.... but alas... i've been keeping busy... eating healthy again... and next week there's more appointments and meetings and things...
yesterday i had an interesting day at work: some guy hit on me and asked me out...
the full story:
he came in w/ his buddy and bought tickets and on his way out said hey, you're kinda cute, what time are you off? i'd like to take you out for a drink!
and i giggled and we chatted a bit more... and he was gone...
then he came back and said, do you drink coffee? i'd really like to take you out....
and i said, sorry, i have up caffeine over a year ago... so we chatted and he asked what do i drink and i said, water... sometimes juice... he asked what kind of juice and i said orange... so we chatted some more and then they left...
about 20 mins. later they came back and he handed me a booster juice orange juice....
i had jack test it so make sure it wasn't roofied... and all was well....
THEN after his movie was over he asked for my # and ya... it was interesting...
then work just moved slowly along and THEN a whole bunch of us (mon, juan bon jovi, bk brian, and later sitko and alejandro) all went down town (at midnight) to check out the filming of the incredible hulk!
it was cool, the set is HUGE, there's a ton of security and stuff... we talked to some guys and stuff.. and then we saw one of the explosions! it was AWESOME! so we're just hanging out... it's like... 2 am... and then CHCH crew come by and interview us... it was cool! so i was on tv! i just saw it! whooohooo!
i wish i had make up on though... :S (note to self, ALWAYS carry it w/ me ....)
today i work... and then i work tomorrow and sunday it's thanksgiving and i'm off to chaos' place for some grub :D
ok... i need to head out...
peace out friends!
the celebrity!

there WAS a light.... :(

so my fabulous opportunity fell through... :S
blah.. i'm SOOOOO disappointed... i got this new outfit and everything.... ugh...
AND she cast flash of genius... the new LAUREN GRAHAM movie.... ugh... :S
FUCK!
so close.... but she said she'd keep my resume on file... so here's to hoping...
she said she might need me in the future....
damn....

is there finally a light?

so today was a busy busy day for this little hermit...
but again, before i start the post a few things about me:
i have NO style.. i dress like a bum.... i have my "uniform:" black cords, a black V-neck T and a coat/sweatshirt (also black) top it off w/ a pair of docs and that's me.
i hate shopping for clothes and i hate colour.
so i got a phone call today for a job interview! it's on wed. and i figured, i need to look super cool and professional for this, b/c there's a good chance that i can get it....
so off i went (all by myself, i might add) to get some nice clothes...
and here's what i got (again, w/ no prompting from anyone! i did this all by myself!)
a pair of striped pants (w/ some very nice blue in them)
a pair of striped pants (that's like a grey-ish colour)
this layered top (black sweater-like material over a white buttoned shirt kinda deal)
a purple argyle sweater
and a pink/purple/white striped buttoned shirt...
i have to say... it looks AMAZING!
i'm going to look super hot on wed. :D
also, i watched the kingdom and eastern promises... pretty good...jennifer garner needs to say fuck more often... lol
tomorrow i'm watching resident evil (for the 3rd time) and then i work.... and wed. is my interview...
send vibes ppl....
signed,
the hopeful jew-ess...
random quote: do you feel awake? i feel awake.. i don't think i've ever felt this awake before...