if it wasn't so funny, it'd be tragic...

"i'm so happy. i have an amazing life. now i'm going to scratch my eyes out.
think i'm funny? I'M AN EMERGENCY- sitting here, naked underneath the flowers on this scummy shower curtain." (the tracey fragments)


although i am surrounded by a multitude, i stand alone.
i represent the nothing in a world which has everything.
i am ignored, walked by, and passed up.
i represent the calm in a world of chaos
i am the quiet whisper unheard by millions
i could save the world if someone would listen to me
i am last picked, first forgotten. i am rejected.
i am the girl who refuses to dress in the locker room
i am the boy who watches the game from the sideline.
life is my game
i am the student who is never called on
i am alone, unseen by everyone and understood by no one.
i live the american dream and it's my nightmare.
(dana browning, all american paradox)

so lonely. i feel like i am strange- a leper. how can i escape my thoughts-i want to flee from them. sleep, but to sleep i must pass through the maze of fear, memories, details. sleep ends and i am back again, waiting for something. waiting for something, but nothing is expected. waiting for someone to take my thoughts away. the dishes pile up, the excuses run out. i sit and wait. who can i talk to? who can help? am i being melodramatic? can't i just handle this by myself? forget it? oh, it's all so dumb. such a nightmare. but i've got to get through it, get over it not ignore it. if i have to deal with how to face people, how to talk to friends, how to answer the phone, it is so much harder. where is there escape? (within a dark wood, jennifer barr)

where is my home planet...?

finally....

so a couple of updates:
i'm almost caught up on Lost... julie's coming over sunday for a Lost marathon and then oscar night :D i'm so totally jazzed... (naturally rooting for all things canadian...)

also, this flick i've been obsessing about, an american crime is going to be on showtime, followed by a dvd release sometime in october :D yay :D

and this other flick, the tracey fragments is likely going to be released on dvd in march :D woot woot!
and then early march i'm going to see if i can spot some celebs at the genies :D good times :D

also on the horizon, revamping fritz (the owl)... but that depends on the moola in my secret stash...

OH YEAH! and juno's going to be released on dvd april 15 :D in both single and double disc ed. :D i can't wait! (and thus began another countdown)

ok, that's all i have to say for now...
peace out homes!
random quote: i'm an emergency!

flying dutchman...

Hey kid, i've got a ride for you.
They say, your brain is a comic book tattoo
And you'll never be anything.
What will you do with your life, oh,
That's all you hear from noon till night.

Take a trip on a rocket ship, baby, where the sea is the sky.
I know the guy who runs the place and he's out of sight.
Flying dutchman are you out there?
Flying dutchman are you out there, flying dutchman?

Straight suits, they don't understand.
She tried that one with the alligator boots but the other side drew her in.
Heart falling fast when she left, even the milky way was dressed in black.

Take a trip on a rocket ship, baby, where the sea is the sky.
I know the guy who runs the place and he's out of sight.
Flying dutchman are you out there?
Flying dutchman are you out there, flying dutchman?

'cause they can't see what you're born to be.
They can see me.
They can't be
What they can't believe.
They can see what you see.

They keep the boys spinning in their own little world.
Tie him up so he won't say a word.
They keep the boys spinning in their own little world.
So afraid he'll be what they never were.

weight....

a GIANT stone has been lifted... but another one took it's place... it's smaller... and a bit more manageable...
i can breathe a bit better now...
and now i enter the great unknown....
god speed little doodle...god speed...

random quote: there'll be over the rainbow... for me...

No tiTle...

when i was around 8-ish.... i was hanging out...down on the street, near my building... there were older boys that were being total dicks and i can't remember what they did... but it made me cry...or something... (ok, maybe not CRY, but something that upset me...) i ran up stairs and got my sister... she's shorter than me, and looks super young, but she's a mean bitch... she ran after those boys and slayed the dragon...
now i have to fight the dragon alone.... there's no one to call for... no one to call on...
it's all on me now... if i fuck up, the consequences are beyond the mountains...

i can't breathe...
i can't sleep....
i can't move...

one day i'll be jell-o... it'll all come together.. somehow... there won't be this huge black hole where the future is... there won't be this... lack...

one day i'll be able to breathe again...or...i dunno... did i ever breathe? did i ever use these wings? did i ever fly? i can't remember... i don't think so...

relevant quote: Life is pretty pathetic when even your own hallucinations lie to you.

STORMS!

yesterday i had the day off :D i had a shift at the centre, and i had a call...
but i figured, i'm not doing anything until later, i'll SLEEP... no such luck... blah...
so it was merdog's bday so we were all gonna just hang out and have a girls night... i walked up stairs to see what kind of cold it was, to see if i could get away w/ wearing a swanky coat, and lo and behold, there was a blizzardling outside... now, usually, i LOVE this kind of weather, but i knew it would fuck up my hair... :( so i braved through it, and got up to damncaster and waited for the chicks... the place was practically deserted.... which was great :D
so then ash and 'dog came and we ate too much and ordered too much dessert and then took too many pics...after that, we decided that it would be a good idea to drive to the new theatre in oakville to watch a movie (possibly, the hannah montana thing in 3D).... so we got into dana's little shitty car and off we were.... after several near crashes and dana practically driving blind (b/c the windshields were shit) we made it... booked it in and thus began part 2 of the night..
we couldn't use our passes for like.. anything.. so we went up to the lounge and had some drinks and just chatted w/ the crew there... i had a coco colada and after 3 sips wasn't doing too good...
and then... after an hour or so.. we decided to go back... taking a detour on the way home.. it was awesome! (though it sounds kinda boring, it wasn't)
hopefully i'll have pics soon, once merdog sends them to me ...
the rest of the week is work... tomorrow i have meetings and running arounds, then mon's play and then work.... ugh...friday i work a double... and sunday i have a shift.. blah
anyhoo... i'm out!
it's work time
peace
random quote:
Agnes White: You don't sound like you're from Oklahoma.
Peter Evans: I'm from Beaver.
Agnes White: Well, we're all from beaver, ain't we?

LOST

so after last year's love affair w/ j.j abrams, i've taken up my old lover again...
psychic julie lent me season 2 of LOST, after last year... they kinda.. lost me.. mid season... but i pushed through it this time.. and WHOA!!!! this show is MAGNIFICENT! i'm soooo into it again....
seriously thinking of buying it some day....(not anytime soon... i'm in full saving mood)
and apparently, there's a LOST/Cloverfield connection... mmmmmm

on a totally random note, i worked a double on friday, and literally, not even half way through my first shift, my pants ripped... i had to go on my break and buy new pants... ugh... i love them though.. they're black... and flowey...(so basically they look like every other non-cord pant that i own... YEAH!!!)
today i have a meeting and then work.. and then more LOST... see, this is how strongly i feel about this show, every time i type it, i write it in CAPS...
ok... i need to head out into the cold :D ps. LOVING THIS WEATHER!
random quote:
Norman: I'm going to have the police check on you while I'm gone.
Claire Spencer: Oh great! "Can you check on my wife, she's hearing VOICES!" Yeah, wait until that gets around.

---

while i'm at it... here's two more trailers :D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4FgZx-cF9cg
anyone know how to link/upload a video from youtube?!

woot woot..

i just posted a video!!!! whoohooo!!!!!
ok, now it's REALLY going to get entertaining!!!!
woot woot!

i did shit kittens, but not for that reason...

ppl are fucking morons.. toying w/ my pseudo-emotions...
totally not cool... it appears that way the fuck back in '05, feb 8 was a tues. when movies tend to come out.... and my beloved movie: an american crime, did NOT come out in '08... lame... (they were talking about a different movie...)
this past week was boring... worked.. watched the eye... new movie additions:
the truth about cats and dogs
dark corners
inland empire
what lies beneath...
counterpart has agreed to order stuff for me off amazon:
party girl (own it on vhs)
the doom generation
house of yes (own on vhs)
and possibly, drunks...
theres one more flick that i'm hard pressed to find, it's called the misadventures of margaret... starring the one and only parker posey... great flick.. but nowhere to be found... blah..
in the future, off amazon, i plan to get of freaks and men... groovy :D
the original deadly is already full... must get a new one next year.. lol
oh ya.. and i'm also thinking of buying lost... i'm falling in love all over agaiN!
k, it's movie watching time!
peace out ya'll!
random quote: They've switched me - I used to be green, now I'm brown. I wanted my pills to match my eyes. Color me beautiful!

i'm trying this out.. let's hope it works...

i'm going to possibly shit kittens...

so first off, movie purchase update:
FINALLY got heavenly creatures, the uncut edition :D i watched it yesterday, it has 10 mins. of previously unreleased material!!! i love it!
that movie still haunts me... every single time i see it... ugh...
and now to possibly the most exciting news of my life...
i've recently become obsessed w/ two movies: the tracey fragments (which, if needs be, i'll be going to windsor in may to watch)
and an american crime.. after some research, it seems that this flick is coming out on friday!!!! THIS FRIDAY!
needless to say, i'm totally jazzed... but of course, nothing is certain in life... (other than death and taxes...) i don't want to get my hopes up too much...
in other exciting news, today both sheryl crow and lenny kravitz release new albums! woot woot!
and after i buy those, i'm off w/ ash to get inked! i'm so jealous...
and then it's home for some quality tv viewings... :D (la ink, svu and stuff)
and then i may start lost, season 2 :D
ttyl friends!
random quote: Oh, and she inexplicably mails me a cactus every Valentine's Day. And I'm like, "Thanks a heap coyote ugly. This cactus-gram stings even worse than your abandonment."

winter...

ah... how i love you February!!!
we finally had a snow storm... well, not really... but it snowed like.. ALL day yesterday and everything shut down :D it was great!!!
i love this weather!
what i also love is grease 2 :D (listening to the soundtrack now :D)
not much to report... worked a lot... have some interesting prospects over the next couple of weeks...
i saw untraceable on thurs. w/ ashley... pretty groovy flick... a bit graphic, which was unexpected... man...diane lane has not aged well since her bogus oscar nom... (hot performance in one of the worst movies ever! unfaithful...)
the eating healthy gig went a bit off track this week... but tomorrow i'm going back to basics and hope for the best... i have seen improvements w/ the healthy stuff...(better skin and i've found the BEST stirfry combination!!! i'm brilliant!) (every time i used an exclamation mark, i feel like a cheerleader... mmmm need to cut down on the over the top enthusiasm... :S)
tonight i'm going out to play "pin the pasties on the stripper" w/ some friends... should be interesting...our stripper unfortunately had to work... so we'll have to do w/ the elizabeth burkley poster...
tomorrow a couple of friends are coming over to watch hard candy... one of them just quit smoking.. so it should be interesting.... eep....
and then sometime in march, i'm going to stalk ellen page :D (she's going to be at the genies :D)
and in the meantime i got 3 new flicks (2 don't REALLY count)
gracie's choice
homeless to harvard (ellen page has a tiny role in it)
and i finally got rebel w/out a cause..
next paycheck i plan on getting:
the truth about cats and dogs
scream
what lies beneath
and that's it for now!
peace out homes!
random quote: We're going to die and I'm wearing my mother's underwear!