the box i'm in...

i've recently become aware of a new term: pansexual.
according to wikipedia pansexuality is: a sexual orientation characterized by the potential for aesthetic attraction, romantic love and/or sexual desire for people, regardless of their gender identity or biological sex. This includes potential attraction to people who do not fit into the gender binary of male/female implied by bisexual attraction. Pansexuality is sometimes described as the capacity to love a person romantically irrespective of gender. Some people who are pansexual also assert that gender and sex are meaningless to them.

i am an asexual pansexual... (b/c i have a thing for trannies and drag queens)...
today, i was feeling infinitely better and i ventured downtown to the skydragon centre for dinner and a movie (and panel discussion)...
i met one of my heroines... one of the sexiest women alive... (even more so than jen garner and lauren graham together!) nina arsenault...
i've met her before, but i actually had a conversation w/ her... i got to tell her i think she's smokin' hot... (though i said fabulous and gorgeous)... and we chatted for a bit...
she's hosting the new season of coverguy in montreal.. (she also hosted season 3) (on a sidenote, i'm crushed that i wasn't contacted to do the show again... ) but anyways, i'm now thinking of volunteering at the well, a local LGBTQ space here in the hammer...
i need to get more involved w/ this community... :)
ok... i need to tend to my foot.. something's really wrong w/ it... :S
g'nite ya'll...
forever inlove w/ nina...

what happened???

this is my life... :(

sooo sick..(cough...splat...keel over and die...)

so as i've mentioned, i've been getting sick.... w/ wed night hitting me hard...
my fabulous thursday plans w/ counterpart fell apart... :( and if i wasn't so sick, i'd be even more heartbroken...
so i spent most of thurs. in bed... i left briefly for meds, pants and soup and nearly passed out in the street...
then worked ALL day friday...which didn't make things any better...i had a fever...and my throat felt like satan was fucking a fire ball in a flaming pit of pain... and i think i ate too many halls...(my teeth hurt...) and again, had to cancel sat. plans w/ the counterpart... (I'M SORRY COUNTERPART!!!! but like i said, i will make it up to you! i promise!)
earlier today i left the house again b/c i needed more soup... and i felt like i was going to be ok to do it, but i guess i still have a fever, b/c the minute i left, i started sweating and breathing heavy... and i just felt awful...
now i'm back at home... after a nice warm shower w/ my orange juice and my amazing creamy chicken soup waiting for me... and i think the fever has returned... i'm freezing... i'm going to hop into bed soon and get all warm and fuzzy... and just veg...
mmm i smell nice :D
ok... peace out homies!
random quote: i always feel like somebody's watching me, and i have no privacy...

1. ps. puppies ARE THE BEST!

ugh.. this is the best i could do... i can't get them to align... :S

work... what a mystery...

i've been getting sick... it's been two days in the making.... :S
today, i was supposed to work a double, but i was feeling like a bag of used assholes...
it was DEAD... an impending snow storm kept everyone at bay... there were a couple of good managers and they pretty much stayed cooped up in their office and left us rascals to our own devices... big, big mistake...
rochelle and jessica decided that it was too boring and quiet and took it upon themselves to liven things up...
as i'm sitting there at my station, ready to either collapse or vomit, they giggle and stare at my direction...(let me just set it up for you, they're about 10 feet away from me, in the middle of a GIANT lobby, surrounded by surveillance cameras) i look up at their direction, curious as to why they're laughing... when.... WHITE MOON in my face...
jessica, mooned me... in the middle of lobby! as if i wasn't feeling sick enough....
then i went home... got some healthy eatings...(discovered creamy chicken soup by campbells to go, or soup at hand, or whatever) and i'm now feeling a bit better... but still have a sore throat... :(
tomorrow is a long day, full of work and volunteering... thursday i'm ushering at a play, and then i head out to the good city to meet up w/ jugss and watch a movie...(and also pick up my pants... :D)
blah... i really hope i don't get sick....
peace!
random quote: knew, blew, tomato tomato...

what if...

some favorites of the moment...

my current favorite word is TWAT and...brace yourselves... cunt...
two great ways to describe too many people in my life right now....
they're all fucking smelly twats!

favorite band right now is garbage... they're amazing :D can't wait for them to release a new album already!

favorite chickie singer: MADONNA! (but she's always in my top 5...) but i've been listening to her a lot lately, also can't wait for her to release her new cd....though i'm kind of skeptical b/c it's w/ justin timerlake... who i HATE.... i did hear the first song from the album.. not bad... but not super hot either.... hmmmm....

favorite kind of food: tofu stir-fry w/ mango chicken sauce....

and favorite new adventure: CARDIO KICKBOXING! that's right... i'm doing it... i start next monday... i'm hoping to carve out a nice figure out of this mound of flesh so that i can wear skimpy clothes in the summer and show off the tattoos!!! (wish me luck friends...)

favorite tv show: dead like me... hoping to finish season 2 this week...(i've been sidetracked b/c i bought more dvds...)

and that's pretty much it for now...

random quote: Aguado: Homicide, Ventura. Now how ya gonna solve that one?
Ace Ventura: Good question, Aguado. First, I'd establish a motive. In this case the killer saw the size of the bug's DICK and became insanely jealous. Then I'd lose 30 pounds... PORKIN' his wife.

Wednesday...

actually the day began on tuesday night... i worked a double was SOOOOOOOOO friggin' tired the entire day....
i got home, got all snug as a bug in a rug, w/ my bag of chips, and my dead like me season 1 dvds (new addition to the family, both seasons of dead like me and chocolat)
later that night, i took a sleeping pill and zonked out...(at around 1am)
i slept on an off until around 11 am wed. morning....
then i watched some tv, was online for a bit and then fell back to sleep at around 1 pm until 5:40 pm....
i was late to my volunteer meeting....
the meeting went well, i was just a tad late... and now i'm back home, ready to sink into the wonderful world of reaping...

ya... this post was kinda lame... but i was glad that i had a day to do NOTHING.... it was great!

random quote: If that were the case, it looks like my inner child's road to adulthood was paved with crack cocaine, ten-dollar blowjobs, and maybe even a trick baby or two.

no sleep+pms+work = CRAZY!

i work too much... at a job that i absolutely loathe...despise, resent, HATE...
i can't stand my manager and general manager... they're both useless, mean, tiny tiny people....
this friday, was the last straw... i totally flipped on my one manager, i'll call him fat bastard...(yes, that's an austin powers reference)...
i hadn't slept all week... it was busy... he was a douche... the gm ignored me... and i just had it... blah...

but the rest got better...
saturday i worked and went out to east side's w/ a bunch of friends, it was great :D
and then finally got some sleep...

today i have a shift (almost done w/ it) and then it's off to the golden griddle w/ some more friends :D i can't wait! it's been a while since i had breakfast food... i'm so excited! i'm going to get eggs, and homefries and toast and orange juice and bread pudding...mmmmmm woot woot!
and then tomorrow i'm buying chocolat, then i have a meeting at work, and then dinner w/ julie ella...
tuesday i work a double, off wed. w/ volenteering at night, and thurs. i work another double....
busy busy week...OOOOHH and i also get to pick up my pants! three pairs :D (ya, random, but it's like having three new pairs of pants... )

oh yeah, and next thurs. i'm off the to the good city to watch an early screening of the stone angel with ellen page and ellen burstyn w/ a q/a after the flick...and my beloved counterpart is coming w/ me :D she's great! AND THEN i get to see her again 2 days later! needless to say, i'm a happy camper :D
ok.. i need to jam... one more hr. and then it's shower time :D
peace out homes!

random quote: I really feel happy. As if I had been granted a new lease in life.

sometimes in the dark...

when it's late...and i'm at my computer listening to music w/ the light off, i can feel a hand on my shoulder... eyes burning a hole into me...
and then i'm afraid to look in the mirror...
what will stare back?

i'm falling apart and disintegrating...
shadows are now my enemies and i can't reason w/ the dark...
night has turned on me and the sun is trying to forge friendships...
i'm a villain in an obscure comic strip with cheesy lines...
"i'll get you next time superhero! next time... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA"
but i know i'll never win... comic book heroes never lose...

maybe next week will be better...?

random quote: Some of their problems come down to faith, their vocation and meaning of their lives, and I can't cut it anymore. I need out. I'm unfit. I think I've lost my faith, Tom.

stuff...

first the good :D
recent dvd purchases:
being john malkovich (sp. ed.)
gia
the nine lives of fritz the cat
poltergeist
requiem for a dream (director's cut)
se7en (2 disc. sp. ed.)
the exorcist (25th anniversary ed.)
sphere (sp. ed.)

the exorcist copy i got, doesn't have the infamous spiderwalk scene... i'm sad... :( (but i have it on vhs on a different version :D)

i HATE my job... holy cow... w/ all this weather, all i can think of is that i want one of my managers to drive really fast and hit black ice and then a brick wall....

the oblivion that has become my life is tiring... blah...

hopefully something will happen soon... i'll come to some amazing decision... something will click and then i'll be on my way...

i've found recently that movies i grew up watching scare me now... i've been having crazy dreams and nightmares... almost exclusively relating to the movies... freaky....

random quote: my name is tracey berkowitz, 15, just a normal girl who hates herself...