what's new??

well, for one thing, i have a new job!
not only do i have a new job, but i practically had it before i had the interview...
i'm going to be working in the downtown core... i'm actually VERY excited! i start next week... for now, i'll try balancing two jobs...(oh the $$$$) and we'll see... but my goal it so transition out of the shithole that i'm in now... this new job is better in the job that it is, more $$$, no hat, and more hrs...

in other news, i'm still OBSESSED w/ madge... i'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOO excited!!! M: countdown to begin soon... lol

and finally... i'm sick... again... ugh... on sunday, i practically collapsed outside the barn near my digs... i biked over, walked in and felt weak and just unwell... unable to breathe, so i did a 180 and walked outside, sat down, and realized that i needed to lie down... so i fashioned a pillow out of my backpack and zippy hoody and laid down... on the sidewalk... i tried to regulate my breathing and just calm down.... i felt like i was doing to pass out and throw up... ugh... the worst feeling...
and then b/w sunday/monday i got this nasty sore throat that got worse as monday progressed... and now i can't sleep b/c of it... blah.. .i feel like there's razors on fire and they're fighting over who can claw at me the hardest and deepest.. and nothing seems to help... tea, ice cream, lozenges, NOTHING! i'm going to try soup and more tea today...

and finally, today is the last day of the sexual assault training... 9 of our chickies passed! i'm stoked! and i think i'm also a sister this time around... i hope i am.... i'm also going to try and get a movie night going for the volunteers... i think we need to have more social events among us...

and that's it.. long and busy couple of weeks.. w/ the two jobs... but like i said... $$$$ and who knows... maybe i found my calling?!

peace out for now homies~
random quote: if i ran away, i'd never have the strength to go very far, how would they have beating of my heart?

dear diary...

so after going to bed after 2 am... waking up at 4 was a bit hard... but i was determined... it was for a good cause!
taylor picked me up at 4:30ish and off we were... like i said, i was told that there were already lineups and we were nervous.. but we got there... in the darkness... downtown was DESERTED... there was no one there... we circled the building... looked at every possible entrance, and finally determined that the one we initially saw was the right one.
so we parked our asses...and started to wait... by 5:30 ish, more ppl arrived... a flamboyantly gay guy, chris, his pal and his kid... we started chatting and this guy is a madonna expert and major collector...
taylor and i needed a break and went to timmis for a coffee/pee break, and when we came back monica had shown up! a bit after that, jaclyn called and said she was on her way! so the party was complete... as the day went by, not too many ppl showed up.. and by the time doors opened, there was like..10 of us...(we were totally expecting lineups and just pure mayhem...b/c madge sold out 3 shows in ny in 20 mins!!!!) so for some stupid reason, they did a random draw... meaning that we each get #s and they pick one randomly, and whoever gets that # goes first and everyone goes behind them.... so after being 1st in line... and there since 5 am... i was last, b/c of the stupid draw... so then came the complicated part... coordinating w/ rochelle and her friend...
i was freaking out b/c i was next in line and i wasn't sure what i was doing..
at some point the age old question arose again.. do we wait for this show to sell out and hope they open another show? i called rochelle (AGAIN) and asked... she said, "decide soon, b/c you've got 4 minutes!" so i took it as a sign... b/c really.. how perfect was that????? so we took our chances...and kept w/ the original plan and the original show date....
and at 11th hr. rochelle informed me that SHE GOT THE TICKETS!!!!! we got pretty decent seats...(though i think they're GREAT!) and it cost me....$367!!!! but i think it's going to be worth it!
next, we foolishly went to cheapies and i got a rare vhs copy of to justify my love (the full uncensored video), a copy of the disasterous swept away, and 2 LPs (true blue and i'm breathless)...
it's 12:08 pm... i'm tired... i'm going to sleep and then have a madonna night :D
HOLY SHIT!!!! I'M GOING TO SEE MADONNA!!!! LIVE AND IN THE FLESH!!!!
I THINK I JUST SHAT A SMALL LITTER OF KITTENS....

the madness that is my world...

madonna tickets go on sale sat. at 10 am... it's 1:23 am now...
at 4:30 my buddy evan is coming to pick me up, we're going to grab monica and head downtown to the nearest ticket master and stand in line for tickets! i love my crazy friends! i love how they indulge me...

i've also heard rumours that there's already a huge line up... that worries me...

i posted a comment on someone's blog... and some people... have some serious hate... i'm not sure i want to respond... i don't want to start cyber wars...

i REALLY hope we get a good place in line... AND good seats... i need good tickets...

oh, yeah, while we're in line, waiting for tickets, 2 other friends are online, on ticket master ready to order tickets on line...

now we leave it in the hands of the universe...

peace out for now friends...

random quote: Poor is the man Whose pleasures depend On the permission of another...

a birthday salvaged...

so after the disaster that was friday...(except for rachel's cake... whoa, orgasm AND party in my mouth! it was a 4 layer peanut butter cake... seriously, amazing...)
i was still in a pissy mood sat. and was even more bummed out when i realized that i had to trek it up to Mississauga...i had to take a bus downtown, then a go bus to aldershot, then a train to clarkson, another city bus to square one and then finally a cab to the church... whew...
the boy was super happy i was there...(miraculously i made it on time...) it was a nice roman catholic service, after which i spent some time w/ jason's dad... we had some chinese food, listened to some jazz and chatted... then we made our way to the hall, in etobicoke and it was a beautiful hall... and it was all about sri lana/trini traditional dances and music and stuff... totally awesome... so as the night progressed... we danced a lot..(note: i NEVER dance...) but it was super fun... and then this drunk guy, roy, started dancing w/ me, as i was enjoying gloria gaynor's i will survive... and this guy got soooo close... like, i felt his junk, on my junk... ewwww.... and i mouthed to jason: help me! several times... but he's useless... thank god the song was over and i quickly made my way away from roy... (who continued to harass me later...) the trek home was equally harrowing: we had to wait for a cab to take us back to mississauga, get the car, drive all the way back to the hammer.. so by the time i got home and to bed, it was after 4:30 am...
but it was well worth it! i looked great, and had a blast!
then today (sunday) julie and i celebrated our wknd bdays :D there's this resteraunt on james that i've been meaning to try for years, and i recently found out that the owner is a regular... so he said to come by, meal's on him... i had linguine w/ pesto... probably the best i've ever eaten... then we went back to julie's and had a nap, planing to watch a movie... so we ate too much and finally waddled over to the theatre, only to discover that they changed the movie... but, we were high on food, and just walked and made little sense... so all in all, it was a super good wknd!
tomorrow is a long day... but it's time and a half.. and the rest of the week is busy as usual...

6 more days till madonna tickets go on sale... i NEED EVERYONE to send good energy so that we get floor seats....

random quote: you don't have to be beautiful, to be understood, you don't have to be rich and famous, to be good, you just gotta get more, more more, than you ever have before!

6 minutes...

it's 6 mins till my bday... and i regret telling everyone...
there's no reason for celebration... i've done nothing since last year except live..i've achieved NOTHING...
i'm disconnected...unsettled...broke...alone...

i apply for citizenship in a couple of mnths... and i wonder if this is the right way... is this the right decision...? i draw a blank...i face a wall and there's no one to hear me...

i need to lose a ridiculous amount of weight in 3.5 mnths... i'm hoping to start swimming next week...and biking...

i need $$$...

the concert is the only thing keeping me going... i wake up to hope for floor seats... is that wrong?

i'm working all day tomorrow... 11-11... rachel is making me a peanut butter cake... she's not working, but she's coming in to have cake w/ me...

the bowl of sunshine confessed that he doesn't have back stage passes... he offered to get me anything madonna related i wanted... i wanted her video dvds... but i told him to forget it... i didn't want him to waste his time on me... it's not worth the effort...

one more minute... it's almost here.. my dreaded future.... my shitty present...

how do they all do it? why can't i?

happy birthday kid... maybe this is my year...?

and so it begins....

i'm starting to have dreams about madonna...
she's coming to the t.dot oct. 18.... tickets go on sale on the 24th.... we're hoping to get floor seats, b/c as i said to my friend, i want her junk on my face! lol
this guy i'm working w/ is fucking w/ me and he told me that for my bday he'll get me backstage passes... jerk... if he wasn't such a bowl of sunshine, i'd kick his ass...
anyhoo... i'm in the middle of watching 'i'm going to tell you a secret' i've only seen it once, and when i was done w/ it... i was moved.. thoroughly moved...
god, how i love madonna... one of these days, when i have some time off, i'm going to go madonna shopping and try to get EVERY movie/dvd and whatever else i can find of hers... surround myself w/ madonna goodness ....
ok, i have to shower and mozy on to work..

T-2 days till my 20th!!!!! whoohhoooo!!!! (well, mabye 23... that seems to be more believable...)

random quote: what about the letters we have written? all the things we said and done? well, i'll just stand here while you count the battles you have won!

hatching an amazing plan!

so i've had the biggest hard on for madonna for the last while... and in 2 weeks tickets for her new tour go on sale.... $350!!!! i've got my gal on the inside getting us tickets and i'm PRAYING for good seats... then i need to save an extra like...$150 (at least) for merchandise...b/c i REALLY want a madonna hoodie and perhaps a mug, and a program (if it's awesome) and who knows what else they'll sell....
but oddly enough, my one moronic manager, who i hate more than i hate spiders came up w/ a BRILLIANT idea...
of all our regulars, there's this one guy, who's super nice and is there a lot... he's in the music bizz... like a producer or smthing... i'm not sure... but next time i see him.. i'm totally going to see if he has any connection and can hook a sister up...HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA....
i'm so determined to make this the best show i've ever been too!!!!
it'll be my first show at the ACC...
HOLY SHIT I'M SO EXCITED!!!!! I'M GOING TO SEE MADONNA!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
WHOOHOOO!!!!!!
sigh...
random quote: i'm not myself when you're around...

in thought...

so as most of you know, i've been working on this story, or manuscript or whatever for years now...
i've done a lot of research, have had some ppl read it and comment... but the one thing that's been in the back of my brain is: does this sound authentic? or am i talking out of my ass and just writing bullshit?
i've recently met someone that might give me the insight and validation that i need... we get along fine, she's super awesome... but now remains the task of asking her to read it and comment...
not sure how to go about it... i have some ideas about building a better rapport w/ her, but i'm still hesitant...
the only thing i can think of is just asking... straight up... but i'm not sure how she'll react...
any suggestions? (the context isn't important for this post, just think, if you had to ask someone about something really personal and difficult... like cancer, the death of a parent etc.)

and on a MUCH lighter note, i still have a massive hard on for madonna... i recently re-watched truth or dare: in bed w/ madonna and i just love her even more.... looking into ordering it off amazon or smthing...

random quote: but i'm not gonna cry, cuz that's what you want me to do, and i'm not gonna cry for you anymore!

mmmm... over the counter drugs....

i'm not one to take stuff when i'm not feeling well... i'm not really a fan of pills and stuff...(though when i'm really sick i like to drink stuff...)
ANYWAYs... the last few days i've been feeling really dizzy and nauseous and just not good...
so i went to shoppers and got me some extra strength gravol... and WHOA... god bless that stuff!
i took it at around 7:30 pm... by... maybe 8:15ish... i was knocked out... and continued to sleep until 8 am this morning... (i woke up a bunch of times.. but what whatever)
this is the longest sleep i've had in a very long while.... this stuff works better than sleeping pills!
holy... so it's almost 9 am... i'm going to watch some movies...
ps. recent movie purchases:
bonnie and clyde
alice in wonderland (the live action series from the 80's)
mars attacks!
the witches of eastwick
singles
x-files:fight the future
austin powers: the spy who shagged me
a perfect world
madonna: drowned world tour

i also got 2 live dvds of the scissor sisters and one more madonna cd :D (that makes 18 madonna cds, 3 live show dvds, and one documentary...) i'm on my way.. i think i also really want to start a madonna movie collection...
k... i'm out...
random quote: Voices start to ring in your head Tell me what do they say Distant echoes from another time Start to creep in your brain

another year....

my bday is fast approaching...(turning 20, no matter what you've heard! i'm turning 20, that's my story, and i'm sticking to it!)

i'm in the midst of yet another madonna fix.... all things madonna welcomed...
i've decided not to celebrate this year... just tell everyone and then work my usual double on friday...
today i got two more madonna cds... i'm now the proud owner of 17 of her cds!!! woot woot!
here's a list: (in case anyone wanted to get me a cd)
madonna
like a virgin
true blue
like a prayer
i'm breathless
the immaculate collection
erotica
bedtime stories
something to remember
ray of light
music
greatest hits vol. 2
american life
i'm going to tell you a secret
confessions on a dance floor
the confessions tour
hard candy

that's pretty groovy... seeing it like that..in a list... that's most cds i have by one artist... (kate bush comes a distant 2 w/ 10)
also, i just learned that one of my favorite songs/videos (bad girl, off erotica) was directed by one of my favorite directors!!! david fincher (who also did se7en, fight club, alien 3, etc.)
today i also bought the new issue of vanity fair w/ madge on the cover... and i thought that that w/ the 2 new cds would be a good day... but alas, i nearly passed out at work...
during my break i got SUPER dizzy... like, everything was spinning a million miles a minute, and i couldn't walk.. so i kinda collapsed on the floor, but was cold, so mon tried to get me inside, where i collapsed again and sat there for while, trying to make the spinning stop... and then it slowed down, and i began to feel nauseous and i was sure i was gonna blow chunks... so i managed to get to the couch and i was cold and clammy.... the management team came to check up on me and i was given the royal treatment... they counted me down w/out me being there, and one manager gave me a cold wash cloth for my forehead and everyone was nice.. so i was dizzy and sick and super cold... and had no way of getting home... so the general manager drove me home... it was insane... but i got home, crawled into bed and napped for just under an hr. and now i'm feeling better... hungry and a bit nauseous... forever trapped in dilemma...
mayhaps i'll order a pizza later... hmmmmmm....

random quote: i will not stay to watch your hate as it grows...

HAZZA! TRIUMPH!

too much has happened lately for me to talk about here... also, i'm feeling rather drained.. i've talked too much about stuff.. and it just gets me all worked up again... i'm still not sleeping and i'm in limbo...
but on to the good news...
it started shitty... i got these headphones that sucked monkey tits and when i tried to return them, i was told i couldn't...so i promptly emailed both the manufacturer and head office of said store... they said it would probably take like, 7 business days to hear back... but i heard back today :D whoohoo!
head office said i have 30 days to return/exchange said headphones and manufacturer wanted to know the model....
so needless to say, i'm going to be going back and getting a new set of headphones, b/c this lack of decent headphones, SUCKS...
me be happy...
also, the new madonna cd, pretty wicked... some tunes are lame... but all in all... i love it.. there are a couple of tunes that just blow my mind... i dig it!
k, it's 1 am.. i need to try and get some sleep, b/c tomorrow is another one of those 12 hr. days at work... blah...
random quote: once i get moving i'm alright...