so in love...

today i had such a good workout!
did a lot of cardio and then did my class w/ crush... she's so great.. sigh...
she came over and talked to me while i was lying on my back w/ my hips in the air, and i got lost in her eyes...

then we talked some more... she's so great... i might ask her about training... though i know she's super busy...

M... i hate that you're gone... i need some of her pearls of wisdom...
i hope you're still reading this...

later, when i have time, i'll detail my amazing day in the good city w/ counterpart!

tootles for now...

hopelessly in love...

ugh, me and my big stupid mouth...

paranoia's a real bitch...
i think my crush doesn't like me...
today i was sleep deprived (as always) and i was talking to one of my managers and was telling her how much i love the class w/ crush, and how she's such a good instructor... and that if she was still a trainer, i'd totally hire her!
so manager said: then ask her (very nonchalant...)
me: i can't do that.. she's not a trainer anymore... and also, i don't think she likes me...(whisper)
manager: why?
me: b/c i'm me... i dunno..
manager: are you being crazy?
me: yes... and i totally know it and i can't help it...

i have no idea where all that bounty of information came from...

i wish crush would train me... sigh...

random quote:
Madonna: Do we wanna be accepted by Hollywood?
Dancers: No!
Madonna: Do we care what people think about us?
Dancers: No!
Madonna: Do we want people to kiss our ass?
Dancers: Yes!
Madonna: Okay now, do we want an "R" rating or an "X" rating?
Dancers: "X"!
Madonna: "X" for extra fun!

it's crunch time...

this week, has been RIDICULOUS.... i worked 19 hr days... almost all week... i'm EXHAUSTED....
today (sunday) i venture into the good city w/ taylor (who's fucking amazing!) and we go to see my fantastic counterpart!!! i'm tre excited! we're going to fresh, and then cd/dvd/book shopping...

i'm so in love w/ my crush... she's so gorgeous... and it dawned on me that i won't see her for a month!!!!! ugh... working out just won't be the same...she's so nice, and pretty... and compassionate... and HOT... she used to be a personal trainer... if she was still.. i'd hire her... to whip me into shape... (though i'm doing alright so far...)

speaking of which... i just tried on these super nice pants that i have, but they were always too small and uncomfortable to wear, but now they fit fine! woot woot! i might wear them today....

one of my co-workers went to the rock 'n roll hall of fame last week and brought me back an awesome pic of madge! it's framed, black and gray and it's the true blue cover, only there's more to it, not just her face... i love it! i had it on my desk at work all day... it was hysterical...

there are some developments at work... won't know for another couple mnths, when i get back...

yesterday i had a super productive day... worked out, went shopping (duffel bag, headphones, the sarah connor chronicles, dexter season 2) worked, went grocery shopping, cooked a super healthy dinner (sauteed kale and brussel sprouts w/ chicken and beans) and then watched some tv and crashed super early....
i'm going to get some breakfast and get ready and head off... it's going to be a LONG day...
but i get to hang out w/ 2 of my favorite people!!!!

ok, that's it for now...
peace out
random quote: Big deal, you meet a valium addict, you figure out she's unhappy -that doesn't count. Of course I - something else? something suprising?

sunday evening...

today was a good day...
i slept a lot... it felt great! talked to the 'rents, watched MADONNA stuff on tv, and had too much pizza... (feeling it now... ugh... what have i done??)

tomorrow i go see an apartment... i'm super stoked... i hope it's good.. if not, i have a bunch of other ones lined up.... but this is cheap, good location and the only thing wrong is that it's a tad small... but i can work my way up... right now it's all i can afford...

also thinking of a new job option... addictions counselor... i've been talking to a lot of recovering addicts at my current place and i'm fascinated... will email the prog. dir. tomorrow to get more information... i can probably do it in a year, and keep working and then find a job.. god knows there's plenty of addicts in the hammer...(b/w 120-150 aa/ca/na meetings a week!)

what else? 63 more days!!!

i'm going to have to miss a week of class with my crush... ugh.. i'm crushed... but i might get to see her on thursday and catch a glimpse of her on tues.. i hope so...

so to finish this post, here's one of my favorite songs by madge, HUMAN NATURE...

Express yourself, don't repress yourself

And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
It's human nature [it's human nature]
And I'm not sorry [I'm not sorry]
I'm not your bitch don't hang your shit on me [it's human nature]

You wouldn't let me say the words I longed to say
You didn't want to see life through my eyes
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
You tried to shove me back inside your narrow room
And silence me with bitterness and lies
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]

Did I say something wrong?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I stay too long?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't speak my mind
[What was I thinking]

You punished me for telling you my fantasies
I'm breakin' all the rules I didn't make
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]
You took my words and made a trap for silly fools
You held me down and tried to make me break
[Express yourself, don't repress yourself]

Did I say something true?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex
[I musta been crazy]
Did I have a point of view?
Oops, I didn't know I couldn't talk about you
[What was I thinking]

Express yourself, don't repress yourself (repeat twice)
Express yourself, don't repress yourself (repeat twice)

[I'm not apologizing]
[Would it sound better if I were a man?]
[You're the one with the problem]
[Why don't you just deal with it]

[Would you like me better if I was?]
[We all feel the same way]
[I have no regrets]
[Just look in the mirror]

[I don't have to justify anything]
[I'm just like you]
[Why should I be?]
[Deal with it]

sigh...

i stare at you...
thinking about you on all fours...
your smile captivates the small part of me that wants to live...
i'm enchanted by you...
bewitched, bothered and bewildered...

i study your body in the mirror, trying to sneak a gaze at your face...
i try to mimic your movements, trying to please you...
do you notice? can you hear me?
i try to stay inconspicuous, am i successful?
i can feel the blood rush to my face when i'm around you...

when you talk to me i melt...
i want to be wrapped by your presence...
i count the days between our meetings and my numb heart skips a beat...

i want to know your dark secrets...
i want to know all about your life...
who are you?
do you drink often?
do you use it to numb the pain?

sigh...

eta:
How you turned my world, you precious thing
You starve and near exhaust me
Everything I've done, I've done for you
I move the stars for no one
(within you, David B.)

total wipeout... yup, i'm a rockstar!

saturday was a LOOOOOOOOOOOOONG day... worked 6:45am till 5pm... was up at 4 am...
after work (which was actually fun! i LOVE my new job! AND, i might be moving up soon...) i had to work out...
so i'm down at the gym, which was relatively empty, doing my cardio, (on the treadmill, i walk for 2 mins and run for 30 secs.) so i've got one min to go, and i'm running... my shins are sore, i'm tired and i'm thinking to myself, wow, i'm practically done, and i haven't tripped once! (b/c i always trip when i'm tired or sore...) when... BAM! i tripped and fell... so i'm hanging on for dear life, laying flat on the belt as it's going fairly fast, and i'm trying to figure out how to get off of the machine...
so finally i realized that the only way, is to let go... so i did.. and i FLEW back... and hit the floor...
it was probably one of the funniest things to see... my friend jess saw the whole thing and was pissing little hamsters, she was laughing so hard...
i'm fine... bruised knees/elbows.. actually my knee is killing me and my one elbow's super bruised...but i iced it all yesterday...
i'm going back today, but i think i'll give the 'mill a rest... and work other machines...
ya.. i'm such a rockstar...
recent movie purchases:
the adventures of priscilla queen of the desert
fear and loathing in las vegas
the last boy scout
manic
moulin rouge (now own 5 copies of this movie!)
*to wong foo thanks for everything julie newmar
*white oleander
*wolf
*b/c i haven't checked them yet, they're not officially part of the collection...

i'm off to finish watching movies, gym and help julie unpack in her new big girl apartment!
peace out for now..

random quote: I got a million dream lovers for every light on Broadway. When one of them goes out I just screw in another one, you know, hello good-bye.

gone gay... again...

so life's been busy... it's 10:09pm, i've been up since 5:30am... i worked out.. worked a 9.5 hr day and now i'm home, i need to cook dinner for tomorrow... and then tomorrow it's working out again, then work, and then i'm helping w/ screening in new volunteers at the sexual assault centre...
and then i might work out a bit more... i need to up my cardio...

so i'm settling nicely at my new job... i work w/ some amazing people, all super friendly, super fun and totally chill...
HOWEVER...
there's this one chick who works there and she's absolutely gorgeous! i can't stop staring... seriously... she's got dark hair and blue eyes...(my favorite combo in a chick) and she's super nice and teaches one of the fitness classes....today during class, she played madonna... made my life! i think i have a small crush on her... sigh.... oh the beautiful people...

speaking of which, it's madonna wknd for her 50th bday... all madonna all the time! luckily, they're rerunning it all on sunday... so i'm going to be bumming around watching my fave gal shake her money maker!

what else can i write? i have no life... 74 more days till the big show!

and that's it for now friends!
random quote:
Amber: What have you done to me?
Guiseppe: What you needed doing to you. Don't you like it?
Amber: It's okay.