glimpse into the eye of madness

i spent my entire life thinking, no, KNOWING that everybody hates me.
99% of the time, i don't care.
every now and then it hits, digs itself into my brain and nags.
when i was a kid, i went around telling people that my sister hated me and wanted me dead. i don't think she wants me dead...

it's after 4 am, and i'm alone in a strange town... i have to be up in 2 hrs to go to work w/ assholes.

i know why they hate me... but i can't control it... i can't help who i am... i've tried.. for the bulk of my teenage years i've tried... i can only be so fake for so long...

my face exploded and my life's shit...

what happened?? where did it all go wrong?

can i repair the damage? is there hope? can anything be salvaged from the wreckage?

i'm not giving up.. not yet...i don't think...

i miss my life... being OCD is hard when people aren't accommodating...

i'm starting to get disenchanted with Crush... she's such a goddess...
events beyond my control may affect the class i take... certain unwanted assholes are looking to join.. i may have to give up the class... she'll probably be relieved...

tomorrow is a long day covered in sweat and hidden tears...

M, can you live in my head?

quote: don't explain yourself 'cause talk is cheap. there's more important things than hearing you speak...